U N L O A D E D

To all my fellow Jews out there, I hope you had a great Passover. To those of you who are not, try to finagle your way into a Seder sometime as it's a great excuse to stuff your face and bang down lots of wine.

I went to 2 gatherings this weekend and I had a great time at each of them. The first family who hosted yours truly are from my synagogue and were some of the first friends I made there. Each year they have had me over and treat me as if I'm family. They are truly awesome people in every sense of the word.

They also used the ever popular Maxwell House Haggadahs. This is the book everyone reads during the Passover Seder which tells the story of the Jews escaping Egypt AND is sponsored by Maxwell House Coffee of all things. This little bit viral marketing has been around since the 1930s and it doesn't seem like any of the pictures have been updated since then either. It's so kitsch, I love it. I often wonder how many cups of Maxwell House the rabbis had while writing this as it reads like Shakespeare on speed. Not all Haggadahs are done by Maxwell House, but these babies sure are swell.

Sunday night I was invited to the Rabbi's house for the Seder and was greeted warmly with a big hug from his daughter. It was nice to see everyone and the food and festivities were great. Things went a bit crazy when we had a scavenger hunt later in the night where everyone, including the rabbi, got into shoving matches trying to find clues scattered throughout the house. Adult or child, it didn't matter as this was serious competition. One thing that I found great about the Rabbi's place is that he has the original stand up arcade version of Donkey Kong Jr. in his basement. This is good stuff, never mind the abundance of Manischewits. Then again that might have been why everyone got so goofy.

It was all but a few moments at the table before a couple inevitably began asking personal questions. This was not to pry but to find out my compatibility. Why? Because they want to set me up with a "nice Jewish girl." Ladies and gentleman, we've gone down this road before. I'm not a potential husband or father, I'm just a bachelor who enjoys the company of women. Women of all races, creeds and colors. The wife assured me that the last set up she arranged resulted in marriage. Honestly I'd be better off with several holes drilled into my head.

But seriously, they were lovely people. And I might make an exception for this young lady to the right.

So for the next few days I'm bound to eat more matzo crackers than I can handle and maybe wash it down with some Coke that has the yellow cap. And why the yellow cap you ask? Because that means it's kosher. So if you see a bottle of Coke in the store with a yellow cap, now you know why. Incidentally, the bottle in my household has a red cap so it will be kept closed for the time being. Ah the rules and mysteries of Passover!

That's it for now peeps, till next time.

Coming up......

Giving the gift of "boob." How you can help women from around the world secure a bigger bust. Yes, it's true.

And.....

The myth of equity. Should I really care that owning a house will make me look worth something on paper? And why should this paper matter in the bigger picture?

Last week I had the chance to celebrate the Jewish festival known a Purim. This is a very loud and happy time that unfolds in synagogues around the world. The best thing about this day is not the fact that you can dress up in costumes (I did not) or the fact that you can get very loud, rather the true joy is that you COMMANDED to drink heavily! I love this. But before any of that could happen there are the informal formalities of the Purim service.

Purim is a festival celebrating the Jews escaping certain death while in Persia and the story is told in the biblical book of Esther.

In the twelfth month, which is the month of Adar, on its thirteenth day ... on the day that the enemies of the Jews were expected to prevail over them, it was turned about: the Jews prevailed over their adversaries. - Esther 9:1

Or Happy New Year to all the fellow Jews out there. Yes it's Rosh Hashanah!

So far my new year has started of being a bit rocky. If I can use a word to describe it, it would be "meh." That's not really a word but it's how I feel right now.

A quick rundown of the picture above. The apples and honey you see are a treat commonly served on this holiday to symbolize our wish for a sweet new year. The rams horn you see is called the shofar which is blown many times and very loudly at the services. A series of notes are played with one big final blast at the end. No one is sure how this tradition started but some see it as a call to repent for all your naughty sins that you did throughout the year. Sounds good to me.

Finally, many people will cast off all the bad stuff they did symbolically. This is done by throwing pieces of bread into flowing water. I performed this ritual after work. Our office is right by the ocean. I had bread from the Italian dinner I had earlier that day. Eggplant Parmesan if you were wondering. Anyway, I walked out to a very small cliff to be alone and was shocked to find a bunch of Mexican day labourers fishing and having a good time. It was 8:30 at night, but to each their own. I know they are day labourers because I see them standing on the corner early in the morning waiting for trucks to pick them up and take them to work. They'll work just about anywhere to earn some cash. Not an easy life, for sure, and there are a lot of them doing this.

So, once I found a private spot, I began my casting off. I felt some relief and the ocean breeze and moonlight were pleasant enough. I thought that I should do this more often as well. There was a very therapeutic value to it.

I found something that is both sinful and sweeter than apples and honey; Jewish model Moran Eizenstein. There's a 99.9% chance we'll never meet or date but it did make me feel a bit better and certainly less "meh."


Coming up ext on U N L O A D E D.........

Fear of falling.