Blackberry is Beautiful
It's no iPhone and mine didn't come with Asian film star Bai Ling, but hell...this Blackberry Pearl that I scored is one sweet phone. How sweet? I'm addicted and you can't stop me!!! In fact, it's almost better than sex! I'll explain in a few.
Everyone who has mobile phone service gets the chance to every so often upgrade their phone and my time came about a month and a half ago. My trusty Nokia flip phone was a solid performer if, and only if, I wanted to make calls and snap a few pictures. But as I became more engrossed in my email and internet usage, I began wanting more. For this phone upgrade I was going to get something special, something advanced, something cool.
Enter the Blackberry Pearl
To me Blackberry phones were big clunky devices used by "the suits" at Fortune 500 companies and Fortune 500 wannabes. UNACCEPTABLE! I wanted the iPhone but the steep price scared me away. I love Apple stuff and proudly write on this blog with my iMac. I DON'T DO WINDOWS. But I'm on a budget and scored this little number for $39.99 refurbished. This phone goes for $350 new or $149 with a 2 year service contract and $50 mail in rebate. I hate that!!! No rebates, just give me a cheap price. If the phone doesn't work I could return it to the phone company. I had nothing to lose. Also getting a refurbished phone is, according to my wireless carriers website, eco friendly. I like this.
So I get the thing online, it comes in the mail and it's never been used! The only thing wrong with it is that is has the old companies name on it. Who cares? I fire the thing up and go through the activation process. From here on out my life has never been the same.
The Crackberry
Who on earth would want crack when they can instant message, email, surf the internet and run their whole fucking life with a Blackberry? "I'll just check my email once and awhile with this thing." I said to myself. That lasted a day.
This phone has become surgically implanted into my hand. When not in my hand it's always in my field of vision just in case the little red light starts to flash. That means I got an email or one of you left a comment on the blog. From the aisle of the grocery store or in the midst of waiting for my car to get an oil change I can reply right back to you wonderful people. The gratification is instant. My heart races with giddy anticipation with each flash of the red light.
Who could it be? Meleah, Monique, Ms.Q, Urban Thought, Maritza, Enemy of the Republic, Amber, Marsha, MKD, God, the spirits of the netherworld?
Who?
The pressing of the buttons to open up the email to find that out is pure ecstasy I tell you!!! And so is everything else!
I'm in a long line, I hit the Crackberry and surf the web.
I'm in the waiting room of my doctors office. I hit the Crackberry to instant message.
I'm in bed, too lazy to get up and turn on my computer, I hit the Crackberry and reply to you.
I'm lost while driving and in nasty area. I hit the Crackberry to pull up mapquest and find my way to safety.
I want to discretely view porn. I hit the Crackberry not because I have to but because I can!
Oh baby this convenience feels so good! Ooooh! Don't touch me, let me just lie here for a second. I'll be OK.
If I were Trapped on an Island
If I were stuck on an island, I'd want my Blackberry. I would even figure out a way to generate enough electricity to recharge the battery using my own movements like running or pedaling. No service way out in the middle of nowhere? No problem, I'll make a tower out of the coconut trees. You may ask would I not want the companionship of a beautiful woman? The answer is no! If I can devise a way to attach artificial but very realistic feeling breasts and a pulsating vagina to the phone then I would. There would be no nagging and I could shut it off when I'm done.
I just need food and the Crackberry! Can't you understand? You ignorant non Blackberry users!!!!
Dude, are You Serious?
About what I said about being on an island and companionship stuff?
I suppose not, no.
Nothing beats the right warm body next to, on top of or under you.
I love this little phone and find it indispensable. I really don't know how I got by without it. Don't get me wrong, if it died today, I'd miss it and fall back on my old flip phone. But it's made things so much more convenient and has proven to be not just a business contraption but the ultimate fun machine for keeping your social life afloat and prospering. Who needs to actually talk when we have these things?
Actually we do need to talk and we do need that contact, but until that person is within arms reach, the Blackberry isn't so bad. And you can always use it to reel that person in close with some sweet words.
Technology is grand.
Disclaimer: No I was not paid by the Blackberry makers, Research in Motion, to write this. I just dig the phone and so do the chicks.
Coming up Next on U N L O A D E D......
Live Free Or Die Hard!! Thank you Fox for coming to your senses and releasing an unrated version instead of the lame PG-13 one! Yippie Kay Yay Mother Fuckers!
Also coming up....
Dealing with my elimination from the Slamdance Screenwriters competition, has life lost it's meaning?
