Hanukkah Sniffles
As I begin my celebration of the Jewish festival of lights, my enjoyment has been hampered by a vicious cold that has had me out of it for the last day or so. Unable to really get out of bed yesterday with violent coughing fits and a fever, today I was determined to drag myself out bed. I staggered through the aisles of the grocery story to pick up the necessary drugs needed to keep me barely functional and Hanukkah candles to carry out the mitzvah of lighting the menorah.
Paths were cleared immediately for me to pass as my obvious pestilence struck deep fear into all those who laid eyes on me. If they didn't hear me they could hear my coughing and wheezing. No one wanted any part of me. Making it through the checkout was a breeze.
Upon arriving home my eyes began to water and close up. My left eye remained opened just enough to make my way through the apartment, grab and don my yarmulke and attempt to read the berakhahs (blessings) aloud.
It went something like this......
Me: Barukh Atta...COUGH, COUGH COUGH, COUGH!!! Ackh! COUGH, COUGH, COUGH!!
(I fight to light the shamash candle and barely succeed)
ME: Barukh.....COUGH, COUGH, COUGH!!
(l fight to light the second candle and get hot wax on my fingers almost causing me to drop the shamash candle)
Me: ....ack......COUGH....Adonay...Elo....COUGH , COUGH COUGH!
(another violent coughing fit ensues and my yarmulke goes flying off)
Me: COUGH, COUGH, COUGH!
At this point I give up and jam the shamash candle back into the center of the menorah and run to the bathroom to cough up what seems to be gallons of phlegm.
Happy holidays everybody.
Note: This is a secular blog and this entry in no way shape or form is meant to convert, preach or proselytize my set of beliefs onto anyone else's. And no, I'm not a "holy roller."
Coming up..... Live Free Or Die Hard
