U N L O A D E D

This is it ladies and gents, the final battle. It all started with a mysterious email from a woman named Olenka who appeared to be seeking love but wanted my credit card info and from there I was pulled into the world of mail order brides. A cheesy enterprise, yes, but one that still pulls in millions from wealthy men around the world. And what type of wealthy man would pursue this?

I went trying to find that out. At first glance I can see how it would be tempting to many men but the time and money needed to follow this plan through is vast. Never the less, some will do it and with gusto!

Have a look at this. Trust me, it's worth the watch. And if you don't watch it, the rest of the post isn't going to make much sense!



Wow! Tell me ladies, which one stole your heart? I don't think these men are all inherently bad. In fact, there is one frustrated man that I can, in some ways, relate to but still would not go this far much less marry her. Tour groups like this go out to these countries all the time to meet at socials in hopes that they can connect with the woman of their dreams. Such a tour goes for a few grand a pop. Most of the time it does not include airfare but you get a hotel room and guide and sometimes one on one meetings with prospective ladies with the aid of a translator. You can go out for lunch or a stroll around town.

Ah, The Romance

I think while many of these men might like the idea of "ownership" over someone, others seem like they probably had their hearts stomped on one too many times and decided to take matters into their own hands. I mean, just look at the last guy in the video. I can see women eating him alive in all the wrong ways. For these types of men, such services insulate them in a way. For one, it gives more opportunity in their minds to find "the sure thing" which is out the window if you are at a local bar or something. It's a controlled environment where rejections sting doesn't hurt as much because the men are seemingly at a greater advantage. They don't have to pursue as much because it is the women that are desperately trying to escape their homeland. The men can just pick and choose, or so they think. I say think because the woman never have to reveal their true intentions either. They can just play along and reduce the man to putty in her hands. Did we see this in any of the video readers? I bet you did! And once the guy does get her home you could always wind up with this.



She wants to have a WHAT at the 1 minute mark in the video? Is Masha a performance artist, satirist, or a bona fide bride from Russia living in the UK?!?!? Perhaps we'll never know but there are other Masha's out there, planning, scheming, dreaming.

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Russian Mail Order Bride!

I had a chance to talk to the Russian woman at my synagogue again this week where I broached the topic once more. Remember, she suspected them of being KGB agents.

ME: I got an email from a Russian mail order bride named Olenka.

Her: No! No! No! No! No mail order bride for Ricardo. No good. You must not!

Me: I think they're a bit crazy to do this.

Her: They crazy and alcoholics! They lazy and no work! No! No! No! I have niece from Russia studying in Israel now. She go back to Russia soon. Perhaps I make match for her with you.

What have I done?

The Lonely Hearts Club

The reasons for both men and women taking the plunge into these ventures are about as varied as you can get. Sure there are the prostitute and pimp types but there are also those that are so lonely they will resort to anything to stop the hurt. We all want someone to cure us of our emptiness, "complete" us as the ridiculous line in Jerry McGuire went, and feel desired in ways that you can't get from family or owning a pet. This is a natural human need if used in the right context but we tend to distort it. I, for one, never believed that I needed to fall in love to be "complete" because no one "completes me" but me. I think that's goes for everyone else also.

We are bombarded with love songs and images that don't really profess love but codependency. We look for magic when we should be looking for common ground. We seek to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality and sometimes it works, other times it does not. One thing is for certain, as long as these human needs exist, there will always be Russian mail order brides.

I think I might have found mine if I were serious about it. A little bit girl next door, a little bit Black Widow and every bible thumping redneck's worst nightmare. LOL!!!

Surf the internet enough and you're bound to come across one of the most unusual match making schemes that thrives online; Russian mail order brides. Can I really have my own Maria Sharapova, Anna Kournikova or Mila Jovovich clone sent to me from a far away land provided that we hit it off via email correspondence? Probably not, maybe yes. But only a very slight yes. Like a million to one or was I being too pessimistic? I decided to try my hand when this little email that came my way.

Privet, gentleman

After the long searches I have found you and I am very glad. I miss
something big in my life, I am lonely in this huge world and the
loneliness is killing me. I want to find a husband. And I decided to
write to you.
I am an ordinary girl. I am pretty, smart and sensitive. I like
people, new places and nature. I am very romantic and believe in good.
I am religious and I pray every day.
If you are interested to know me better,
please see me here http://theloveisonline.com/darling


Looking forward to hear from you soon
Olenka

Ah yes, Olenka. Beautiful, smart...lonely. How could this be? Being a man of lustful virtue I decided to hop on over to the url she provided but in a matter of hours the website was gone, but was our dear Olenka also? I fired back an email.

Olenka, I am most intrigued. But since you are emailing me from a company based in the US, I'm a bit perplexed. Is this really you? Forgive me for being presumptuous, but with a name like Olenka, I reckon you're somewhere out in Russia, yes?

Olenka is most likely a phishing scam. But if not, will she respond? Does true love await our intrepid blogger? Or am I in grave danger?


Forbidden Fruit

I had an opportunity to talk to a woman who was from Russia at my synagogue. A robust, rugged, friendly, middle aged woman, she fit the old school definition of how we used to view the women of the Iron Curtain. But times have changed and hostility has turned into friendships between our 2 nations. I've always been fascinated by the Russian culture. I never felt that they were the true enemy to begin with. It was a PR battle with each side flexing it's military muscle. It was foolish and a waste of time and energy on the part of both sides. There was so much I wanted to ask her about St. Petersburg, Moscow and the current state of it's citizenry since communism had fallen some years ago. Then I dropped the bombshell:

Me: What's up with the Russian mail order brides?

Her: Oh, mail order bride, yes, I know many. No good Ricardo. No Good. Stay away from them.

Me: But why are so many women ready to drop everything and come over here for a guy they don't even know? I mean, some of the pictures I've seen...they're pretty hot.

Her: Yes Ricardo, they tall, young and beautiful. It is plan, you see.

Me: Plan!?!

Her: Many are KGB. Government hire pretty young girls to get in here and spy for Russia. If not KGB, then military.

Me: WHAT!?!? But isn't the KGB gone? Didn't they get rid of that stuff long ago?

Her: New name, new flag, new anthem but still same old Russia. You might find nice Russian girl for you one day, but never mail order bride Ricardo. If not KGB then they will seduce you to take money for Russian mob. I know these kind. Be very careful Ricardo.

Me: Fuck yeah. (grabbing a little cup of wine and raising it) L'Chaim!

While I have yet to find a Russian girl, I did have quite a time with a bombshell from the former Yugoslavia a few years ago, we'll call her Anna. We did things, unspeakable things, in the most public of places together. It remained our secret as those around us never suspected a thing and it will remain such, as a gentleman never tells. Anna, you were wonderful. Perhaps our paths will cross once more.


From Russia with Love?

Whilst I await for Olenka to get back to me, I took a gander at many of the Russian dating sites that will act as a facilitator between you and the Russian babe of your dreams. It was in looking at these that I realized many of the women are actually Ukrainian. While some of you may shrug and think it's the same thing, it's not really. They were linked together back in the days of the U.S.S.R but now they are independent countries who always had different cultures. I'm not sure why they are called Russian mail order brides then.

These sites allow you to sign up for 19.95 a month where you can view videos of your wife to be, send emails to them OR talk to them on the phone with the aid of a translator (for a fat fee) to get the ball rolling. Some offer a pay as you go plan which lets you email any woman you want for 5 bucks a pop. And I thought match.com was a rip off.

Anyway, I'm sure you'd like to see some of these videos to get a feel for what these women are like. I'm also sure you don't want to go through the hassle of registering on these sites. Neither do I, and thanks to youtube, we don't have to! Let's have a look.



Attractive, sincere, friendly. Or is she?

Here's another.



Pretty hot as well. I can't see how either of these women are single.

Coming up later, what kind of Russian bride would one of these sites match up with me? Tune in later as I go stat for stat against a beautiful Russian mail order bride.