On The Crotch Bomber

Well, by now we all know the story of how Mr. Jihad over here became Mr. Hot Rod when his underwear bomb didn't go off. Since then we've gone with the usual stupid finger pointing game politicians play on the TV panel shows. How could this happen? Who let that man onto the plane!?!? It was the Republicans! They did it! The Democrats did it! It's Obama's fault because he's a secret Muslim! No, it was Bush's fault because he's stupid and created more red tape than real security. No it was Homeland Security! No it was FEMA!! Oh wait FEMA is part of Homeland Security!! No, you're all wrong it's Canada's fault. No it wasn't any of the above it was the Jews! No wait, it was the Masons! No, I heard from a guy down the street that is was Shriners who let the cocksucker through the gate and onto the plane! Let's get them, they wear fezzes!!!

Sigh....

It's all lame, it impresses no one, nor does it succeed at putting the jumpy public at rest. They (our guys in government on both sides of the political spectrum) fucked up, you know, I know it, the American people know it, the world knows it. So now we all have to deal with new travel restrictions and a nightmare scenario that recently happened at Newark airport.

But I want to speak about this young man (cocksucker) who got caught. While my first reaction was relief that he did not succeed in his diabolical plot, I also wished that the crotch burns were severe enough to prevent him from ever reproducing. Then the news almost started to paint a sympathetic picture of him based on interviews with the family, eyewitness accounts of interactions with him, and his personal blog entries. If I am to believe any of this, then this was a good kid who got mixed up with the wrong people (wrong is an understatement when the people are Al-Qaeda) and it spiraled into a botched Christmas day attack.

His blog mentioned how lonely he felt, how hard it was to fall in line with his new found fundamentalist brand of religion, and how he was horny. Welcome to being a young man in your early 20s dumb ass. We were all feeling isolated and horny and none of us had to try and blow up a plane to scratch the itch, we watched porn or went to strip joints. Yeah, you wrote about how women's hair can drive a man wild but really, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about!!! You should have went out and met some girls, slapped an ass, squeezed a set of double Ds!! You were a college aged student you moron!! Now is the time to get this shit done before you marry some nag!! Forget about the virgins in the afterlife! Get some while you're here!! Besides, virgins don't know what the hell they're doing in the sack. How is that a reward? It's an eternity of bad blow jobs where teeth get in the way and hand jobs that feel like she's working the sifter on an 18 wheeler. Trust me, you don't want that! But it's too late for you, you did the crime and now you will pay the price. You're about to becomes someones bitch in jail. And that's suits many of us just fine

So we know terrorist recruit the young, vulnerable and horny. I have read that communities need to address these issues to prevent these men from being such easy targets. Some have stressed education and the like. I say let's get them drunk and laid. Shit, if I couldn't have any fun at that age I'd explode too but I wouldn't need explosives. I would have just blown up. I don't have any scientific explanation as to how that would happen but I truly believe I would have. If my plan above doesn't work then we need to find a way to get these guys to come down with the clap via biological warfare. The crotch bombs will be too uncomfortable to wear and will keep them at bay for awhile. But we must remain vigilant.

Fuck terrorism!

See you all later!!!