What would be enough to keep the man she desires? Why do we men do what we do? How could a perfect 10 from Sweden not keep a pro golfer in check? What drives men to behave like this?
As the countdown to new years began, these questions were posed to me as I watched the champagne being poured.
I informed her of power, influence, man's desire to conquer, wage legacies, feed the ego.
When is that enough? I don't know. I don't have an answer. What would make me stay if I had power and influence and my pick of any beautiful woman out there? My answer at that point was nothing. There was nothing she could do because someone better was within arms reach.
She didn't like my answer, it offered no resolution to her plight.
As the festivities wound down, I walked her home. I wish I had something more insightful to tell her. I didn't want her to feel hopeless, but I didn't want her going out there being too vulnerable and naive. I wanted her to have the armor at the ready to handle the rigors of battle. It's not fun seeing her get hurt.
Snow started to fall, not a storm but enough to make me hope it wouldn't hamper my ride back. We said goodbye and I decided to take the long way back to my car. I know I shouldn't be wasting time if the snow is coming down, but I needed to think about all the other stuff going on in my life and a walk should help.
A song I heard earlier in the day ("Cold" by Annie Lennox) had been stuck in my head. I had heard it once or twice many years ago. A girl I liked back in college had it on cassette. I never thought twice about it until I heard it again streaming over an internet radio station as I did busy work earlier that day. Seemed to fit the night. I guess this would be my mental traveling music and it's really is a nice song to boot.
Downtown New Haven was a ghost town. No one seemed to be out for what is considered a big party night for the area. It was quiet, eerily so, and suddenly I felt alone and isolated. I stared for a moment at a new high rise being construed. It's frame sturdy, it's hight grand, but still hollow, empty, incomplete. I the energy in my body drain, causing me to grow angry at myself for taking the long way back. And as pretty as the freshly fallen snow was, I felt my body temperature dropping fast. My legs didn't want to move. It was as if something wanted to hold me in place.
My friends questions popped into my head and my prior answers gave way to something else. It was an odd force of energy. Something I haven't often felt but felt enough to remember.
It was an embrace. The kind where you grip tightly and don't want to let go of. The kind that is so close that you no longer feel the clothing between you. You feel her heart beating, her breath, arms tightening around you. The contours of her body, the soft, firm, smooth. Her breast pressing against your chest and her hips moving closer to yours as she feels the hardness taking hold. Time stands still and you're content to leave it that way. It was so specific that I could literally feel the woman's body against mine. But who was she?
The heavens seemed to open and down came this energy that filled my soul. A powerful trinity of spiritual, cerebral and sexual life force. It was perfect, pure, like the newly fallen snow. And if I wasn't worried that someone was filming this with a cell phone camera, I would have opened I arms to take more of it in. But I let it inhabit me, sink in, make itself right at home. It rose from my feet, up my legs , chest and to my brain. If I was into religious fundamentalism, I'd say a beautiful angel came down, hugged me and gave me a kiss. But I think really this was a life force in nature forcing my life into seeing the answer that eluded me earlier that night.
Not just any woman can bring this about no matter how good she is at sexual gymnastics. This I know and this moment will be few and far between in my life. But when it happens, I'll know what to do. If not for an eternity, then for time. And that will be a precious gift.
I didn't feel cold anymore, I didn't mind the walk back to the car. Hell, I would have walked the whole city. I felt so strengthened by this odd encounter. And while people wanted me to be safe, I felt like I could deflect bullets naked better than with my personal shields and armor up.
Yes, this is worth having.
Yes, is worth keeping.
Yes, this is worth living for.
Next..... Would I go back?
Do you sometimes feel protected by some unforeseen force even though you're not a religious whack job?
