No, I am NOT a Student!

While I know many of you wish to see me as a  20 something lad full of vim, vigor and naiveté, those days are long gone. Far from being over the hill, the instances of me getting carded at bars are rare to nonexistent and the gray hair is more abundant than ever. I can still party, but not on back to back nights, and I actually need rest now. No, this is not me whining about getting "old" which is a riduculous notion at this stage, but rather acknowledging that my moment of being a fresh faced "young man" are coming to a close. From here on out, I'm just a man. Not old, not young, just a dude in his mid 30s. No longer will I fit the coveted 18 to 34 demographic that all the advertisers go after with rabidness, I will be forgotten until I hit my 40s. By then I should have more money to buy things like BMW sedans or Volvos according to their logic. 

So you can imagine my surprise when I get an inordinate amount of people asking me if I'm a student at one of the Universities. This is especially odd since no one asked if I was a student back when I was actually a student. What is it that causes people to ask me questions as if I'm entering my freshman year at Yale?

It all seems to have happened within the last year. First it was at my synagogue, then by random people who made small talk with me. Now it's seemingly everywhere. I am rather perplexed and bemused by it all. Am I still radiating some quality that makes people think I'm just a kid that needs to be hanging out in dormitories? And for that matter, why are so many concerned about how I am eating as if I'm a growing boy in danger of stunting my growth if I eat a Snickers bar?

When I give those who believe in my student-ness a firm "no" to their questions, there seems to be confusion, disappointment. If our friend Ricardo is not a student toiling away on a campus, then just what is he exactly?

I don't have the answer for you because I don't know. Perhaps this uncertainty exudes "student" to some. Perhaps it's my choice in clothing or the fact that I'm not driving around in a Honda Accord or a minivan. Perhaps it is the fact that I am single and not fat. I seriously doubt it's poor hygiene as I shower everyday, comb my hair and bush my teeth. Practices that are forgotten by many a student in those early years. But these guesses are no better than me playing darts in the dark.

I went to an audition at NYU and had to wait in the student coffee shop as the directors had not arrived at the studio yet. I figured that in my time there, I would get gawks and sideways glances from the other students as if to say, "what is that old dude doing here?" This did not happen. It was assumed that I was a student. The kicker to all of this is back when I attended NYU (ever so briefly) when I was 21, no one believed I was a student there!!! Cosmic powers beyond my comprehension are clearly at work here.

Some may take it as a form of flattery. They may think,"I still must look young therefore I still have the mojo." I suppose that's all fine and well. Maybe I can channel this into picking up some hot coeds. And when they ask how old I am I can shrug and say, "I'm just a student." Yes, all this irritating questioning about my student status must have a silver lining. Perhaps it's time to accept my inner student-ness and have fun with it before I become a dirty old man.

Coming up...

The amazing, shrinking electric bill.

I spoke up.