I....have fallen back into a relapse of my prior illness. I......have had to cancel my stint for tomorrow on White Collar, much to the ire of the casting agency.
I....have not been fit to adequately prepare for my auditions.
I am unable to schedule a doctors visit as a can't afford one. Medication? If prescribed that's not an option either, too expensive.
I made some risky decisions, rolled the dice, took a gamble. These decisions may pan out, or they may not.
I don't know if I have done the proper thing. Or was their a proper thing to do? The conundrum has me in doubt, my stomach in knots. Have a boarded the right train? Why do I want to shut out the world and hide all of a sudden? Has my depression and anxiety disorder returned to destroy me? Or is it just me psyching myself out?
I had a moment to discuss this all with my Rabbi. He brought up his love for betting on football. He told me sometimes, when you make a bet and lose, it's still the right bet.
That seems all fine and well enough.
(a coughing fit as I reach for my inhaler)
Ack!
( a few puffs of the fast acting agent as I continue)
Where does it go from here? Have I burned my bridges? Have I built new ones?
(looking out the window and noticing a pretty woman outside walking her dogs)
Mmmmmmmm......
Perhaps another time. For now I must retire and let this all sink in.
Up Next....
ALDI!!!!!!
