I have CLEARLY STATED why I refuse to partake in Facebook yet some of you (cocksuckers in my real world life) INSIST on sending me invitations to join Facebook after I explicitly told you that I WILL NOT!!!
I tried it, I didn't like it, I left it. I did keep my account dormant for awhile to use as a virtual black book. As many of you know, Facebook only suspends your account but never deletes it unless you go through the whole song and dance outlined here and even then you still have to hound them. I would resurrect, kill and again resurrect my account as I collected friends (the few I wanted to speak to) but found the exercise tedious, so I made an abrupt exit. Well not so abrupt. That song and dance I mentioned to get removed permanently from Facebook takes about 2 weeks. The fascist Facebook police like to take their time. I guess they're hoping you'll make a U-turn back into your virtual holding cell when they flash pictures of people who will "miss you." Perhaps some do succumb to this guilt trip as it's quite clever. BUT NOT ME!
I felt as if I escaped from Alcatraz. You think I'm going back to the land of narcissistic pokers and yellow snowball throwers? Not on your life, fuckers! If I want to live in the past and reunite with people I never want to see again, I'll go to my high school reunion or hang out at pool halls in the town I grew up in. But I don't want to see you! I don't want to talk to you! I don't want you poking me, virtually or otherwise!! I don't care about the new privacy settings (or lack thereof) to keep you away from me! I don't want you buying me a virtual beer! I don't care about how your fucking toddler defecated onto your new couch or in the corner of your living room, nor do I wish to see pictures of it. Speaking of pictures, I have no desire of seeing endless slide shows of you and your bloated significant other (likely an athlete in high school who would have made fun of me for being "skinny") doing NOTHING! Fuck your wedding pictures! Fuck your family pictures! Fuck your vacation pictures!! Fuck all of you!!
Why? Because I hate you! And I hate Facebook! And that hate resonates through every fiber of my being and I simply can't let it go because the invitations keep pouring in! I don't care if I'm the only one left without an account! Give me a sideways glance or act dismayed over this fact when you ask, then die!!!
Just die and leave me alone!!!
The good of humanity lies NOT in ending war. Lies NOT in ending famine! Lies NOT curing cancer!! The good of humanity rests in the elimination of Facebook!! And I ache for the day some 17 year old hacker/nerd/outcast (devoid of any sex or social life themselves) comes out with the next big thing which then sends Facebook to wolves!! It happened with Myspace, it will happen with Facebook. Sweet lordy will I blow such a massive wad when that happens. Hell, I'll fucking video the money shot and post it here. I bet my ejaculate could hit the ceiling!
Do not attempt to debate me on the merits of Facebook or how I am wrong for hating it. I will not entertain them. You will be deleted. Comments for this post are under martial law.
Good day.
