You know, ladies and gentleman, I had big plans for doing an ongoing series about match.com. I still do, actually, but am wavering on whether or not I want to go through with it.
I am not above putting myself through torture for your good reading and entertainment. However, there are some things that are putting me ill at ease.
I know the 6 month promise that match.com advertises is a sham. They claim you can meet someone "special" in 6 months, or your money back. What they do not tell you is that you have to pony up over $100 up front as opposed to paying month to month. What they also don't define is who exactly is "special" which can mean anything and would get them off the hook for paying you back. Remember, this is a company that needs money to survive. They are not making this offer out of the kindness of their hearts. There is always a hitch.
Places like this want a small percentage to meet someone, hit it off and get hitched but they don't want everyone to or else they would go under. They need people to keep chasing the dream of meeting someone and keep them hoping for as long as they can. But they also need the success stories for their TV ads and marketing.
match.com fanboy/girl: My cousin's sister's brother got married from match.com and so did their cousin's sister's brother. Match.com is the real deal and you don't know what you're talking about. And I hate you!!
Thank you. As I eluded to before, when you have millions of people flooding the servers of match.com the law of averages dictates that there will be success at some level. I understand that. But for most people this is a money drain and for others, an outright scam.
I don't know if I want to sink over $100 bucks into oblivion for this story. I find looking through profiles boring and, more often than not, misleading. And I also know this beyond a shadow of a doubt:
I DON"T FUCKING NEED NO STINKING MATCH.COM TO MEET SOMEONE!!!!!
Really I don't, nor do the many people on it. But it's become so ubiquitous that people trick themselves into thinking this is a needed procedure.
So, lets say I do go through with this. What would I put on the profile? What suggestions do you have? What type of women do you want me to seek out? Should I have you choose from their profiles by placing them on this blog? Have you do a little vote? Sound like fun? It's likely a violation of their terms of service, but who fucking cares? This is entertainment. Throw all your suggestions into the comments section.
But remember, I reserve the right to pull the plug on this story and you will all accept it and like it. For it is within my right as I am a divine soothsayer!!!
