Far be it from me to advocate the ruthless expansion of Wal-Mart and it's casual approach to selling firearms while they will ban certain books or films from being sold, but this is the sick world we live in.
First, let me get a little bit off my chest about Wal-Mart. The chain is pure evil. You can't escape them, they're everywhere. Gone are all of the smaller businesses and other department stores that once gave us variety. There can be only one and it's Wal-Mart. I'd love to go to a Target department store but the nearest one is a town or 2 over. This means I must begrudgingly go to Wal-Mart, where the employees are paid next to nothing and health insurance for employees is seen (by management) as an unnecessary luxury for silly people. Wal-Mart employees are some of the most humble people I've ever seen. Simple but not dumb, yet a bit naive all at once. They love America, they love the American dream, They love God and going to church, but they'll let this company dangle all of that in front of them and taunt them. It's sick because none of these people will ever get what they want from working at this place. As long as the illusion is alive, they will follow. The suits at Wal-Mart are clever in this way.
So back to my story. I had no choice but to go to Wal-Mart. I needed at pair of weight lifting gloves pronto because I would be working out later that night. To get to the gloves one must enter the sporting goods section. I walk through it and do my scan:
Fishing rods.
Lanterns.
Tents.
Inflatable raft.
Hunting apparel.
Shotguns.
Rifles.
BB guns.....wait....BB guns? WOW!
The joy that swept over me was palpable. I recalled the "bad kids" in my neighborhood causing havoc with these. They would shoot cans and bottles in the woods and if a car window was full of holes, it was those darn kids and their BB guns. They would brag about shooting squirrels, cats and kids they didn't like in the rear end. BB guns hurt but were not lethal. Not knowing the greater ramifications of such a "toy" as a young lad, I asked my grandparents for one.
Grandparents: What!?!? Are you crazy? You blow out a window or take out someone's eye!! NO!"
I asked if I could get a BB gun that shot rubber BBs. Those don't hurt as much and are safer right?
Grandparents: NO!
So I was denied a BB gun throughout my childhood. Yet, before me on the shelves of Wal-Mart were a feast of BB guns galore. Some looked like real guns while others looked fake. Some came is bight colors and clever paint schemes. Some had laser sightings and some had scopes to look through. My, had BB gun technology come a long way. And to my surprise, the term "BB gun" was yesterdays news. These were "AIR GUNS!"
Regardless of what they were called, I was suddenly in a position a great power. No more could my parental figures deny me of this great opportunity! I can purchase these BB Guns/Air Guns unencumbered! YES! I will buy it, take it home and.......and what the fuck would I do with it?
I can't shoot that cute little squirrel.
I don't want to shoot out someone's car windows.
I could shoot the people who screwed me over during my life in the crotch but that's not my style.
I know, I can go into the woods and shoot cans and bottles! No one can get hurt and it wouldn't look strange at all that a 33 year old man is doing this.
Sigh......
I can't get this BB gun. But wait, that laser sight like Arnold used in The Terminator.....that's a swell add on! No, Ricardo, no. Lose the angry 10 year old boy, grow up, and get your weight lifting gloves. You have to work out tonight.
And that I did.
Coming up, United Health Care blows chunks.
And...
A thanks to blogger Urban Thought for a very nice award.
Also...
Is Ricardo really a threat to women in relationships? Some think so.
Stay tuned.
