Perhaps the drive to conform is an instinct built into the recesses of our minds. The need to belong, to feel a part of something, to have a support system all play a factor in my opinion. Even nonconformists find other nonconformists and form groups of conforming nonconformists. The result? A sense of normalcy amongst them, the common ground of their quirks being the unifying force behind it all.
Normalcy is a phantom of sorts. Many of us are afraid to be singled out in a negative way so we inhibit ourselves. Sometimes inhibition = normalcy. And then you have the nonconformists who take pride in being gawked at and rejected. That's the normalcy they revel in with the other nonconforming conformists.
Then there are people who try and impose their sense of normalcy on you. It can be a parent, spouse, coworker or friend. Many times it's well intentioned. Nonconformity in some forms can be self destructive. Drug abuse, fucking picnic tables or licking dead rats are not very constructive hobbies. All of this leads me to wonder just what was so abnormal about Billy.
Billy is a neighbor of mine who lives just down the hall. We've never formally met but I got to know him through an odd conversation between he and his mother. I was en route to my car, getting ready for a long drive to work. It was a muggy and cloudy day. Thunder and lightning would come rolling in sooner or later. I was hoping it would hit after I got into work, I didn't need it ruining my drive.
As I neared my car I heard Billy's mother. She was standing on his patio, shouting into the sliding window. Billy's mother was a slightly overweight woman in her mid 40's, conservatively dressed and an aura about her that screamed "MOTHER." Billy was tucked away inside, either snug as a bug or a heap of broken humanity. I simply couldn't tell.
Billy's Mother: Billy!! Billy! I'm serious now....BILLY?
Billy: (silence)
Billy's Mother: I'm not going to stand here all morning Billy. I want you to get dressed and come out. You need help. You're father screwed up his life and I'm not letting you do the same now c'mon!!
Billy: (silence)
Billy's Mother: Damn it, are you listening to me? You need to stop this, you need help! This is not NORMAL! You're acting crazy! You're not right! Can't you see that?
Billy: Mprph urrrmph nnnnrph mruph.
Billy never bothered to open the window, so that's all I could hear.
Billy's Mother: I'm not going to keep coming back here Billy. I'm not going to keep giving you chances. Get up, get dressed and let's go.
Billy: mmmmph!
Billy's Mother: Do you want me to leave!??! Because if I do, that's it! I'm not coming back. We're going to take you somewhere for help! You're not right. You're not normal. Get dressed!
Billy: Arrrgh uuurrrrgh marrrph ooof!
Billy's Mother: Billy, so help me I'm going to get into my car and wait for 10 minutes. If you're not ready to go, then that's it.
Billy: (silence)
Billy's Mother: BILLY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!?!?!
Billy: mmph?
Billy's Mother: Get dressed and let's go. I'll be in the car.
And with that she headed off to her Volvo station wagon and waited. Pressed for time, I couldn't wait to see if Billy took her invitation.
On the drive to work my mind was fixated on this episode. Part comedic, part tragic, full of mystery. What was so abnormal about our friend Billy? Did he pay his Nintendo Wii too much? Was he addicted to porn? Did he marry an inflatable doll? Or was he hooked on something like heroine, cocaine or meth? Was he obsessive compulsive, agoraphobic or had he joined a cult. Was he a conforming nonconformist? I'll never know the answers and I haven't the nerve to knock on his door and ask. All I can do is ponder what normalcy is and if his straying from it an act of self destruction or a statement of individuality. Sometimes the two go hand and hand but the latter is best when left to it's own devices.
Coming up...
If I had a BB gun.
And....
United Healthcare sucks. I'll tell you why in a few, stay tuned.
