Sometimes we need to take off the armor. It gets heavy, burdensome, stifling. We men want to strip it off and collapse from exhaustion into the arms of the right woman. It's been so long, carrying it all inside. Here she is, right in front of me or you...ready to accept all of us. It's not that you want to tell her that you cry after reruns of Little House on the Prairie or that your scared of mice because that's just not true. What you are is vulnerable in the deepest parts of your soul and while you don't fear mice or creepy crawly creatures or knife wielding thugs you are scared. You are scared shitless at THIS moment. The moment where you have to tell her how you really feel about her. That you want her, need her, will go crazy with out her.
Of course you can go on without her but you prefer not to. So you let it rip. You tell her and then, you either have it thrown back in your face or it's accepted and then, over the course of time, used against you. Why? How could she do this? That bitch!
Ladies, this scenario that I've laid out isn't etched in stone for all of you but it is something that many a woman has done to a man. "Men" on the other hand are better insulated from the pain inflicted from such episodes because they don't allow themselves to be placed in this position.
Thug
This is not the look I usually wear. Rather it is a silly costume and an attempt for me to show you that many men you encounter are wearing a costume (metaphorically speaking) similar to this; a wannabe tough guy that is not tough just obnoxious. This is where men revert to becoming "men" in the extreme sense of the word. Women are objectified to keep them from getting too close and causing damage. Suddenly the lyrics to hip hop tracks crudely discussing affairs of love and sex begin to make sense. Screw the love and get the sex, she's not worth much more to you after that. You let the door slam in their faces. You look down on them. You take satisfaction in NOT calling them back. They will ALL pay for what they did to you. You are raw, you are aggressive, you are mad and you will take what you want.
From across the room some poor women will see this energy about you and confuse it with dominance. She will show interest. You don't care what she has to say, you tune her out. You forget her name. You wonder what you have to do to fuck her and get rid of her quick and easy so you can move on to the next target. You don't reveal much about yourself. You give one word answers. Strangely this attracts woman to you even more than engaging them in conversation. You're a mystery now. A challenge that she must solve. She hounds you with calls, wonders what you are doing at all times of the day and won't take no for an answer. Within a few weeks to a few months she'll be left in a broken heap by the "man thug" as her other girlfriends gather around and wipe away her tears. She'll then ask,"Why do I go out with such jerks?"
For the "man" it's another notch in the belt. The hunt continues. But deep down he knows that this can't sustain him forever. Or can it? New adventures can't keep the heart pounding. The thug costume is a most sturdy armor.
For those of us that do take off battle gear and just choose to be ourselves, great danger awaits.
HE'S GAY!!!!!
Dress well, comb your hair and speak in an articulate manner that shows understanding and intelligence and you're likely going to get slapped with this accusation. While some of this has been tempered with the rise of the metrosexual, there are still some women that will find the real you too good to be true and go on the attack. I'll never forget the time it's happened to me. I had become good friends with a woman that I worked with and we hung out and spent a lot of time together. She was attracted to me but I was not attracted to her. She just didn't do it for me, what can I say? I loved her company but that's it. Then one day an odd conversation occurred.
Her: Watching you go after all those women like that at the new years party was something to see. Now I know you're straight.
Me: What the fuck does that mean? Of course I went after the women! I was drunk and horny. What kind of stupid statement is that? What was I supposed to do? Jack off into a martini glass behind the bar?
Her: Well....
Me: Well what?
Her: I thought you may be...you know.....
Me: Based on what?
Her: Well you had a background in the arts.
Me: I couldn't play sports! This was the next best thing and it's a great way to pick up women. Especially if I had a good part in a show. And it's not like I was doing fucking musicals here.
Her: You work out.
Me: Yeah I work out. It curves my depression and keeps me from being a pencil neck!
Her: You dress nice.
Me: I spent over a year of my life homeless and looking like shit. I was lucky to eat once a day. The looking like shit days are over for me, thank you.
Her: But you watch wrestling!
Me: Yeah, I watch wrestling!!! I always used to watch it with my grandparents! When they were in the old folks home I would come by and update them on what went down and they would perk up. I still watch it because it reminds me of a happier time in my childhood. I also like to see people get beat up and put through tables.
Her: And....and...you speak well. Really proper...
Me: Mmm...I have a vocabulary....yes.
Me: You express yourself differently than other guys.
Me: I believe in being clear with how I feel.
Her: You said that thing about Pierce Brosnan.
Note: At the time he was still playing James Bond. A series of which I'm a fan of.
Me: I said that he still looked the part despite being in his 50s! I hope I hold up that well when I'm that age!! I'm secure enough in myself to give a guy credit when credit is due. He looked great.
The conversation continued like this, ad nauseum, until I ended it. The lesson here: Don't be too much of a real man because some knuckleheads can't handle it. Another thing ladies, when men tell other men they look great it's much different than when you say it to each other and it has nothing to do with feelings of homosexuality. When a guy says to a guy that they look great it means that he still looks like he can run some laps, play 18 holes of golf or hold their own in a batting cage. It means that you still look sturdy enough to handle manly men tasks. And, as you know, we men like to challenge each other in feats of strength and endurance. It nurtures our fragile egos. Why do you think so many of us watch sports?
Also, like being called "feminine," when did taking care of yourself and being articulate become something exclusive to gay men? I have no issue at all with our gay counterparts but if I were a betting man, I'd say that there are gay men, and there are gay "men."
We Still Need Each OtherFor better or worse I've been viewed as being too self sufficient to come off as desirable to certain types of women. Perhaps it's going through so many rough spots in my own life and battling out of it alone. While it's made me strong I hope it hasn't hardened my heart too much. The good thing about this is that I am 100% certain that I'm not codependent. This is a kiss of death for many a person when the enter a relationship.
It's a rough deal out there. We men like the company of a woman and to explore the beauty and mysteries of her body but not at the expense of mental turmoil. Honestly, there's nothing better then feeling a womans bare body against mine and, yes, post coital cuddling is not such a bad thing. In fact, it can be a great warm up for round 2. Chances are you women feel the same way about us men and that's where the issue lies and will continue to remain for some time to come. How do we get to the point of experiencing pleasure and intimacy with each other without the stupid games and costumes. Why do women not know what they want if they are supposedly in better tune with their emotions than us men. Conversely, why do we wen need to throw up so much armor if we are the stronger ones and do know what we want?
I can't stop the cycle for everyone but I can stop it with me.
As for being man or "man," I've learned it's best to be both and knowing when to use it. Be a gentleman sometimes and other times....let that door slam in her face. But pick your spots carefully and honestly and don't become an ass. We have enough of those in both sexes.
Coming up next on U N L O A D E D....The evil that is Enterprise Rent a Car.
Also.... Match maker, matchmaker. The yentas are after me.
And... Breathe in deeply and die. My coughing has stopped but the cure is worse than the disease. Yep I'm going to attack the pharmaceutical industry...AGAIN!!!
