Can I Please Stop the Coughing!?!?
Well it appears that this dry hacking cough won't subside. Those of you who read this blog regularly recall how at one point the coughing was so bad that I couldn't light the menorah on Hanukkah because I was nearly convulsing. Thankfully, I didn't burn down the whole apartment.
So here I am, a couple of weeks later, and the cough still lingers. While the fever, chills, headache, nausea and such are long out of the way, this damn cough won't leave! It's not as severe as it once was but it strikes at the most inopportune times. It's frustrating and I've heard all sorts of advice like:
- Drink lots of water.
- Get a humidifier.
- Increase my intake of vitamin C.
- Refrain from exercise.
- Resume exercise.
- Get a dehumidifier.
- Lower my intake of vitamin C because it will hurt my liver.
- Forget about drinking water and drink tea with lots of honey.
- See your doctor.
The coughing has lead me through a litany of awful situations.
Last Friday
I figured I'd do a good deed and go to synagogue after work. The coughing seemed to have let up until I entered the sanctuary.
Me: Cough! Cough! Cough, cough, COUGH! Ack! Cough!!!
I take a seat as the services begin and just as I get it under control, a critical point of the service arrives: The Mourners Kaddish
This is a point in the service in which people who lost loved ones on or around this time stand and recite the prayer to mark the anniversary of their passing. As the Rabbi begins to read the names of the deceased the coughing begins in earnest.
Me: cough.........ahem......cough......cough.....cough.......ahem.....
The rabbi then asks the mourners to rise and the reciting of the prayer begins. This is to be a solemn and poignant moment.
Congregation: Yit-gadal v'yit-kadash sh'may raba....
Me: AAAAAAACCCCK!!! HAK!! HAK! COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! AHHHACK!! COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!
I can take it no longer. I get up and stagger out of the sanctuary and head for the bathroom. As I do the congregation stares, mouths agape, eyes wide in shock.
I compose myself in the bathroom and make a return, trying to not call anymore attention to myself.
ME: ACK!! COUGH! COUGH!!! AHEM!!!! COUGH!!!
I excuse myself AGAIN.
Whispers from the crowd, rumors that I am carrying the plague or SARS.
After the service, a wonderful couple about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary approaches me.
Husband: Boy you sure have one nasty cold.
Me: (nodding) Cough! Cough!
Wife: Rick, we're going to be celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary soon and after services we'll be hosting an Oneg Shabbat at our place. We want you to come by.
Me: (nodding yes) COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!
I give the thumbs up and bolt for the door. This good deed was a total disaster.
Later That Night.......
I needed a fucking drink. I promised some coworkers that I'd meet up with them in Sono, a trendy area in southern CT with lots of hot spots. For a while the beer poured and the coughing diminished. I was feeling a little bit better but I was not there yet.
The good news, I was getting a lot of good vibes from the women in the bars. I like this. But the coughing fits left me a bit inhibited. I didn't want to hack up a wad of mucus on them. That would be a pretty big turn off. We checked out another bar down the street and ran into an attractive redhead we all worked with. She was very happy to see me and sat on my lap. Her hands were pretty free over me and I didn't mind it at all.
The coughing subsided.
She called her friend over to introduce her to another coworker I was siting with. Maybe he was hyped over what was going on with me but he got a little too friendly with her way too quick. Unlike me who didn't mind the aggressiveness, she did. The result? Her demanding to leave and taking away my potential company for the night, but not before getting a nice kiss. Before we knew it, they were gone. I could have smashed a bottle over my colleague's head but we have to work together and he's really a good guy. But really, he may have cost me one. I told him it's best to let the woman lead in these situations. He agreed. I also noticed something that was NOT good....
The coughing returned.
This Past Week......
My boss ordered me to stop coughing. It didn't work. Since it was Christmas time the work volume was light and the office was empty. I sat alone with most of the lights out....coughing.
This Friday Night....
Went back to Synagogue and for the most part the coughing was under control. No more stares. Good deed done.
Saturday Night.....
All is well until I decide to go to sleep. The coughing hits me with a vengeance. I give up on the prospect of slumber and resort to watching Busty Cops 2 on HBO late night.
While the visual stimuli was overwhelming...the coughing subsided.
Suddenly I discovered the pattern and source of relief to my ailments. It was so clear to me and made so much sense. It's what I want, what I need; a valuable lesson.
Never underestimate the healing power of a beautiful woman's body or her affections.
Coming up Next......Where art thou Vegas Starlet?
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*ahem*
have you tried nettle tea :-)
I feel for you. I have had a head cold for a week. I have the sneezing under control until I have to drive somewhere or it's time for bed. I sneeze until I reach my destination. It's hard to stay between the lines when you can't see where you are going. At night, the moment I lay my head on my pillow the over abundance of nasal drainage starts. the sneezing, the need to blow my nose constantly, the inability to breathe is keeping me from getting a good nights sleep. The people at work don't appreciate me spreading germs either...but I have to work. At least you got a woman to sit on your lap. My husband refuses to sleep in the same bed for fear of catching what ever I have. He hasn't gone to bed until after I have woken (2am) for work every day this week.
I must have caught your cold over the interweb! I have a gross cough too but it's getting better!
nursemyra - I have not tried that but i will. I would like to add that your T-shirt friday picture caused an ease to my woes as well. :-)
Marsha - I have had the constant sneezing thing in the past and its just as bad as the coughing and sometimes worse! It has been awhile since that has hit me. I think it's because of the nasal spray I've been taking for the last year and a half called Flonase. And why must these symptoms hit so hard when we attempt to sleep? That drainage feeling is sheer torture. I know it well. Your husband, a military man, is afraid of you and some germs? What would his superiors think? Go sit on his lap and see if he gets scared. :-)
Maritza - This blog is laced with germs and I think you may have cought it from me. Spray your computer down with Lysol.
If I may ... have you tried Mucinex? Mucinex DM has sudafed (the real stuff! do you know how hard that is to get in the midwest?!) and an expectorant. I'd send you my leftover Mucinex D but it's probably a felony lol.
Busty Cops 2? Oh what I miss by reading at night ...
Monique - I have indeed used Mucinex DM. Why is it such a big deal to get it out in the midwest? Is Sudafed dangerous or addicting? Can it be freebased? And oh yes, Busy Cops 2 was HOT!
Wishing you some great "medicine" ;)
and a Happy new year
Sorry to hear about that cough. Hopefully it will be gone soon.
HBO isn't a network I watch too often but I've been catching a lot of their late night line-up lately. Busty Cops 2 was a funny piece of work not to mention the visual stimulation (for a late-late night choice).
Get well soon... and have a great and successful NEW YEAR.
Go to the doctor and get checked for bronchitus. That is what I bet you have. If it were pneumonia, you would be flat on your back, and it could be a cold, but that sounds like some lung irritation that require antibiotics and an inhaler. Trust your friend: I get bronchitus or pneumonia every winter so I am a pro at this, plus my son is ashmatic and gets bronchitus. Get thee hence to the doc.
Vicks Vapo-Rub melted in a small pot of boiling water, put a towel over your head and breath in the mentholated goodness. Then, take a hot shower and try to get all the gunk out of your lungs and nose. That's what I'm off to do. It's my last resort!
SJ - natures "medicine" is always the best remedy.
Urban - I'm so glad that someone else also enjoyed this wonderful......er.....film. If you didn't care for the girl on the screen, wait 10 seconds because there would be yet another......NAKED! Hope you have agreat new year my friend.
Enemy - I fear it is just that or TB. Like your son, Itoo have the big A and it sucks. I do hope the ugly bout of illness passes you this year.
Maritza - The true cure is you and I rubbing vicks over our bodies as we gasp and wheeze then adjourn to the shower. Now that's hot!!!
;-P
But seriously I will give it a shot and see what happens. This is too much.
You have to be careful with where you rub the Vicks! It could be painfully hot! Hee!
I hope you’re over that hacking by now ‘cause it’s almost a New Year. In 2008 may you have… -
Walls for the wind
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks bedside the fire
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire
I sent some medicine via email ...
Enjoy.
I sent some traditional indian medicine via email ...
Enjoy.
Maritza - the only thing that would be too hot to handle is you my dear.
Sometimes Saintly Nick - Thank you sir! May you also have a wonderful and prosperous 2008!
SJ - Thanks for thinking of me! I can feel it going to work already :-)
I'm not much of a drinker but when I get a lingering cough I drink a pint of Southern Comfort straight out of the bottle and that kills it. Good Luck
feel better!
ps....Happy New Years Eve!! xxoo :)
Clay - I may just do that tonight!! Happy New Year!
Meleah - I am trying my best. Happy New Years EVE!!!
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