Part III: Buy that Car, Ring that Bell
I'm at the dealership, a nervous wreck. I text message my Uncle L repeatedly from my mobile stating such. None of it offers any comfort.
Alfonzo, my salesman, takes a seat and begins with the negotiations. The battle begins.
YOU HAVE THE MONEY!!
The obligatory question, "how much can you give us NOW?"
My obligatory answer, "Just a few hundred at the moment. Possibly more later on if I like what I see. "
I tell him that I'm looking to get a new car and keep the payments around the same price that I'm paying now. The magic number is somewhere around 300 to 330 a month. Alfonzo asks me if I can handle 400 a month!! I say no, no, no.
Alfonzo nods and disappears into the evil watchtower that overlooks the sales floor that I'm on. He magically emerges with a $600 rebate (obviously available all along) and says for a mere 400 dollars TODAY I could have 1000 dollars down when the rebate is taken into account.
Not too shabby but I don't know if I had 400 dollars to put down TODAY!!! I haven't even seen the cars!!!!
Alfonzo asks, "Don't you have any friends or family to ask for money?" Excuse me? No I did not. Well I did but I wasn't going to make it easy for him.
"Look I can see you have the money! I want to help you! Give us something, more! " Alfonso said growing more belligerent. I found that a bit odd but the angrier he got the more the knot in my chest loosened and the easier it was for me to breathe.
"Don't you have credit cards or something?" he asked. Hmm let me see, I took out my wallet and held it up to him. His eyes widened. "Yeeeeeeeesssssss." He hissed as if at any moment the bell would ring for me.
"Nope, no extra credit cards." I told him. Alfonzo didn't like this. "You have money! I can see it! Look at your jacket, your phone, your bluetooth headset. That is real leather, at least 300! The phone is 400!" He said, as he felt the sleeve of my jacket. This annoyed me and I laughed.
The hip jacket I got is real leather and was purchased on clearance (the season was over and it was time to make way for the spring fashions, this was a winter jacket) and the phone is a Blackberry that is $349 new but $40 bucks refurbished with 2 year plan agreement. The bluetooth headset is nice but also purchased at a steep discount.
"The phone is new!" Alfonzo said. Actually it likely was save for the fact that it has the Cingular name on it instead of the companies new name of AT&T. Hence, "refurbished." Can't sell old branded stuff as new, can we?
He needed a breather. "I'll be back. Call your friends see if they have the money." I was not about to do that.
Time passed. More rhythmic clapping, more suckers ringing the bell. Some families had their kids ring it as if this was going to be a family moment right up their with their kids future wedding.
Alfonzo returns with a set of keys. "Would you like to see the car?"
The Test Drive
I brought out to the lot and lead to a tan Corolla. I hate tan cars, they scream "elderly."
Alfonzo: You like this one?
Me: No.
Alfonzo: Why?
Me: Don't like the color.
Alfonzo: What's wrong with it?
Me: I DON'T LIKE IT!
Alfonzo: What about the red one?
Me: No. I said blue or silver!
The Laurel and Hardy routine continued until he pointed out a black Corolla which looked very nice. We agreed to take the tan one out for a test drive but aim for the black one as time went on. I would also demand a test drive of that one since I didn't want to wind up with a clunker.
The ride was pleasant, quiet, comfortable and on par with my current Mitsubishi. He told me during the test drive that they could make the numbers work. I told him that we may have ourselves a deal. He then brought up why I didn't want to try the red Corolla.
Note to all of you and this comes from my friend in the car insurance biz. If want to pay higher insurance premiums, and get singled out by the cops, get a red car! Stay away from red!!
"That's not true, who told you that?" Alfonzo snapped.
I DON'T LIKE THE RED!!!!!
Negotiations: Round 2
Feeling that victory was firmly in hand Alfonzo asked to see the keys to my car to inspect it for trade in appraisal. This is also a ploy to prevent you from walking out. Alfonzo said he had to "talk to his people" and would return. Off he went with my keys and I decided to call my Uncle L.
I had been listening to bells ringing and obnoxious clapping for several hours now. I was growing restless. I told my Uncle L this over the phone and how I think I got a deal done. L tells me to walk out if they don't agree with you. I tell him I can't because they have my keys.
Another 20 minutes elapses, followed by 30, and then 40. I'm hungry, thirsty, I have to pee. I am not in a happy mood. What are they doing with my car? Where the fuck is Alfonzo?
My frown is briefly diminished by a young woman who rings the bell with her father and on the way back flashes me a smile. If this young all American coed was up for a different sort of ride, I would be happy to indulge. I smiled back without thought. It was pure reflex.
Alfonzo returns. "How close to $400 a month can you get?" Did they not hear me the first time? I CAN'T SPEND $400 bucks a month on a fucking Corolla!! If I could I'd be driving a BMW, Mercedes or import a FIAT like the lovely lady on the left is pushing!!!!!! C'mon guys!!!
"OK, let me talk to my people." Alfonzo says and runs off into the evil watch tower. I look up and see that several of them are looking back at me.
Frantic shouting.
Papers being shuffled.
More shouting.
The bell ringing!!!
Alfonzo emerges once more. "My manager has made a deal." He declares. Just then his manager emerges from the watchtower, happy as can be, and says to me, "it's $400.75 a month." He then vanishes into an office.
DID HE NOT FUCKING HEAR ME!?!?! I AM NOT PAYING $400 A MONTH FOR A COROLLA!!!!
Suddenly all the anxiety I had was gone. I became comfortable with myself once more. There are only 2 times when it dissipates; in the throws of passion and in the midst of WAR! This was war. I sat back in my chair, with great comfort. This exposed Alfonzo in ways that I had not seen before. The growing desperation was more evident. I had the power, they had nothing. From here on out I'm coming in with all guns blazing. I'm fucking going in like Chuck Connors at the beginning of The Rifleman!
ME: Where are my keys Alfonzo?
Alfonzo: OK, OK hold on! Let me see if I can get more money for your car.
He frantically runs out of the dealership. Jump slave! Jump!
I take out my super fancy refurbished phone and call my Uncle L .
Suddenly I notice men in Toyota jackets to my left and right, just standing there and leaning in a bit my way. They're listening in on my conversation. I tell L about this and we laugh. I look behind me and there's another idiot employee acting like his sorting through papers also listening. I have seen enough!
I'M OUT!!!
Alfonzo returns with a blank sheet of paper. "Here's the thing." He says and proceeds to scribble a series of mathematical equations that by the end leaves me back at $400 a month and looks like some crude artistic rendering of a cow.
No, no, no!
Alfonzo is using every fiber of his being to keep himself from exploding.
Alfonzo: Why don't you want to spend a little extra on something nice!?! You have 86,000 miles on your car and NO warranty! You get free oil changes for life!!! Soon you will lose your car!!
Actually you dumb mofo , I don't believe in spending what I don't have and I could take my car another 86,000 miles just fine than you very much!!! As for my current ride, there's always a way out of this mess.
Alfonzo: We don't want you to leave without a car today. Let me bring out my manager.
Me: I know I asked you for my keys back 20 minutes ago and you have yet to return them.
Out comes the manager, a hint of sweat on the brow and obvious anger. I'm now ravenous, I can drink a lake and I have to pee so bad that I could put out a 5 alarm fire.
They sit down with me and lean in. Like it's an interrogation in a darkened room with a single swinging lamp overhead. If they could tie me to the chair, they would.
Manager: We've been doing back flips for you! The best I can do is $398.
Me: $2 month dollars less? No.
Manager: How much can you put down?
Me: Now not much, later....1000. What happened to the 600 dollar rebate? Would that not be 1600 down?
Manager: I'm already counting that. I need more.
Me: Where are my keys?
Manager: How about $356 a month!!!?!?
Me: Better but I'll have to talk to MY people before I give you an answer.
Alfonzo: YOUR people? Are you married.
No, dear readers, I'm not. But since they made me wait forever when they talked to "their people" then I might as well have mine whether they exist or not.
Me: Keys please?
Walking Tall
I could not wipe the smile off my face. The threat of losing my car still looms but I did not bow to their terms and I did not let them play on my desperation as they had done with the others that day. As I walked out of the dealer I saw Alfonzo and the manager stare so many daggers at me that I could have been diced into the smallest of pieces that would have never been found.
As I walked to my car I see that they had taken it out for a joyride. It was in a different spot from where I parked it. The radio was turned up much louder than I left it and the seat seemed readjusted. This annoyed me but it was par for the course for this dealer called Colonial Toyota.
I went home, glad that it was over and unsure of what the fate of my car would be. That's it on the left. I snapped it while walking out of a donut shop near to where I work. Nice huh? The chicks dig it.
I got a bottle of wine from the store and sat on my couch thinking how much time did I have left and how would I pull this one out. Have I dodged my last bullet?
Later in the week, on the way back from work, I saw the dealers billboard placed above a lower income neighborhood.
It read "Bad credit? No credit? We can help!"
No. They can't.
Story developing..........
Coming up next on U N L O A D E D, the boss who never was.
20 PEOPLE HAVE UNLOADED:
Oh, Ricardo, I don't know what to say, except that on another level I've been there. There is a special circle in hell for these bloodsuckers. I have to admit--you outdid yourself in writing this and that is saying something!
Very cool!! I had forgotten about the "holding your keys" ploy - I'd heard about it but didn't have to go through it as I didn't have a car when I purchased mine!
Those were some damn nasty tactics by Alfonzo and crew. Ick. Good for you for walking away. There's GOTTA be a more creative way for you to get out of your balloon payment.
Hmm.. I just googled "car selling + loan" and found some info on selling a car with an existing loan on it. Most people go to a dealer (like you did) who pay off the loan to gain title. But there MUST be other ways.
Your story is sure showing how a shift in perspective can change EVERYthing. For example, you always had the power but you didn't know it until the end.
Regarding your ride - you were walking out of a donut shop? You make the car look good. ;-)
Oh - that was pretty funny that salesguy telling you about how rich you must be based on your attire.
Great that you walked out! I refused to pay more than $250 for my car. I took my bro-in-law with me and when they asked for money down, he took off his shoes and put them on the salesman desk and said, "I'm not leaving until you give me the car for $250 a month and nothing down!"
I got the car, he got his shoes back.
Enemy - I know you've been down and out with the cash flow issues and there better be a place in hell for them. Deb if your reading that includes your girlfriend. LOL!!!
But honestly, I just wrote this straight from the heart and mind and if you feel it was engrossing then I am flattered.
MsQ- It's a nice looking car. every chick I've shown it to digs it. This makes me happy because they are happy. Yes it was leaving the donut shop and took it with my super duper refurbished phone.
Do not let these thieves (cock suckers) make you feel like you owe them something! they are there to serve you not the other way around. If they can't, next case. I'm sure there is another way out of this. I just have to think harder.
Maritza - Did you owe cash on your previous car? That's a sweet deal. My credit is shot also so it's hard for me.
No, my trade in was paid off and I have excellent credit. Maybe that's why the shoe trick worked and that they were a pretty nice pair of Armanis.
That was So Very Wrong...
and yet So Very Well written
I. Hate. Car. Dealerships.
Good for you for storming out!
Stupid fucksticks.
Maritza -Yes that's a distinct advantage you have over me. then again how could anyone go through the things I went through and keep the good credit score? One day I'll catch up to you ;-)
Meleah - Thank you I appreciate that. I hope I can keep the car to have a chance to meet you one day! This is nuts I tell you.
Moniquie - They were stupid fucks and I have found other places on the net that speak of the crooked practices of Colonial Toyota of Milford CT.
no one wants a tan car. why do they even make them in that colour?
in australia that's called "90 day beige" because that's how long a tan coloured car sits on the car dealers lot until he has to bite the bullet and cut his losses at auction.
and ricardo, aussie chicks don't care about your car. they just care about the size of your dick.
(just kidding!!!)
Nurse myra. - I think cars in that color are made for the over 80 crowd. The elderly are the only ones I see driving cars like that. They were trying to push a car that no one wanted on me and felt that they could get away with it because they saw me as desperate.
On your second comment about what Australian women want, I was finding great comfort in it. ;-)
Good for you Ricardo. Glad to see you didnt cave to their evil scheme. They totally blew their credibility going from 400 to 358 (Thats about 2500.00 over a 60 month loan). I'm getting a vision...I, I,....I see Alfonzo selling vaccume cleaners door to door in the very near future. LoL
I feel your pain Ricardo. A friend of mine is a car buyer and I tell him what I am looking for and he goes out and gets the best deal since he is not emotionally invested in the transaction he gets amazing deals. Saved me $5000 the last time and he did the same for a buddy of mine. You might try one of those.
Tan cars? Makes me think of undercover cops.
Regarding nursemyra's comment - it's not only Aussie chicks who look at man's hands to guess at the, uh ratio.
Based on the amount of spammage I've been getting at Qmusings, all it takes is a good ratio to MAKE ME HAPPY. It has to be a working ratio though, which would explain all the "Levitate It" (Levitra) spammage.
yes...you must meet me..and take me out for a drive & dinner... we BOTH need that!!
Clay - Alfonzo was not the sharpest tool in the shed and needed to learn basic etiquette to boot. If they wanted to give me the gar for 320 a month they could have. I forgot to get them to work off of the manufactures price (I think they call it tissue price) as opposed to the suggested retail price. that could also save you thousands. the suggested retail price is irrelevant and I've been told to never go by that. It's arbitrary. The new Ford Focus actually looks pretty nice. I may have to give your friend a shout. I read they are offering up to 3000 cash back. That would go a long way for me. But I'm cautious about calling and asking for more info.
Methias - always good to see you! Hope all is well with you and the family. So you enlist the services of a car buyer? Great idea. I'm going to look into that.
MsQ - Tan cars are the ugliest thing in the world. I never understood them. Inexplicably, my grandfather loved them. Again, he was elderly. You see my theory on this.
I don't know if the length of the hands, feet, or what have you, have anything to do with the real deal below the belt. But it's possible. All I'm willing to say on this matter is that my glove size is large. I've got long fingers.
Meleah - Thank you. You've just given me reason to fight with every fiber of my being to keep this car or drive a new one down to Jersey ;-)
Nice work, Ricardo, Alfonzo is very rude! Still glad I don't drive....well kinda.
Terribly rude fi!!! Should you score a car? Well maybe but since you're in a city with decent mass transit, why bother? You'd likely just be stuck in traffic trying to drive a few blocks. If you were not in such an urban area I'd say go for it. But, you'd have to go through this nonsense. And it's awful how they make you feel.
yippee!
From this moment forward I will wage a crusade for a good car deal in your name Meleah. I'm going to don an armband with "MR" on it when I walk into a dealer.
I am so glad you stood your ground. think they smell hesitation and once you don't want what they are selling they recognize that too. My father says never go out shopping when you need something you will not make good decisions. I am so glad you didn't give in. More Power to you!!!
Post a Comment