Before I get on with my scheduled blog entries about office cubical lizards, Blackberry addiction and the agony of defeat, I want to share with you all a little adventure I had today involving one of the most reviled places on earth; the car dealership.
YES, the car dealership! The place where dreams are purported to be made but swindles are the real order of the day. The place where that new car smell titillates the senses and intoxicates the psyche. The shiny new paint, the sparkling chrome, the promise of a great deal due to strange terminology like "low factory to dealer incentives" unleash the most magnetic of pulls. You want the car, it's within reach, it has to be within reach because their goal is to put you in that spanking new car TODAY! There's always a way thanks to financing! Those trusty sales folk will make the numbers work for you.....because they care.
(coughing)
The Other American Dream
In America, we love our cars. This is one of the few countries where a family will feel completely justified in buying a Hummer because they need room for the kids when they go to soccer practice. Everything must be big, loud and obnoxious and that includes our personalities. And then we wonder why we're treated rudely when we are visiting another country. You can issue a foreclosure on our houses (the primary American dream) and you can take away our spouses or significant others....but God fucking damn it, we're taking our mother fucking, gas guzzling cars!!!!!
So many of use rely on them but so many of us graft them into our lives to the point that it's something much more. It's like another member of the family, an old friend or a trusted companion. We need our cars. I need my car. And today I thought I might have needed a new one.
WHY?
Ladies and gentleman I'll be completely honest with you, I bought my car in 2002 with a feeling that great prosperity was just around the corner. I had worked myself up from absolutely nothing and landed a job at ESPN. I went from being in a very dangerous area to having a nice little place to call my own in a low crime area. Nothing was going to stop me baby!!
But life did.
ESPN was a den of sociopaths and sadists. Conditions in my job changed which resulted in a loss of income because there was no overtime available. The car I bought was needed but I didn't have the means to plunk down 5 grand up front. I got a loan with a balloon payment which means a lump sum is due at the end of the loan. "No problem" said the sales guy, you can refinance that lump sum or trade it in for a new car at our dealership. The price was right, the conditions seemed right, I dove in.
The dealership closed!
I lost my job at ESPN because I was no longer the "right fit." This really means that I was not fanatical enough for their liking. If not having fantasies of ESPN in my spare time is a crime, I'm guilty. My fantasies revolve around fun things like sex which is where many fantasy ought to lie. Sorry but I'm not going to rub one out over a spreadsheet I looked the day before. Too freaky for me.
I had to file for bankruptcy!!! Made it just before the laws changed.
I was out of work for 8 months!!! Why? Because the freaks at ESPN blacklisted me!!! I finally had to bring in the State Attorney General's office to get the job that I currently have. ESPN doesn't fuck with me now.
I almost everything I had, AGAIN! But God damn it, through it all, I kept my fucking car!
But was it a time for a change before the lump sum of money due made that change for me with a repossession?
I went to the dealer to find out.
Come on Down
I saw the sign at one Toyota dealership saying that bad credit was not an issue. OK, I made the call and asked what the catch was on my mobile.
The salesman on the other line quipped, "I love they way you say that...like we're going to do something to you."
But you are because that's the nature of your job. I know this. I'd respect you more, Mr.Salesman, if you told me exactly what it was.
"Why don't you come down and I can put you in a car today. It shouldn't be a problem if the numbers are agreeable."
What have I got to lose? A few hours of my day!!!
My goal, Get them to take my car and take the difference of the lump sum due and put it on the new loan. It wouldn't be enough to raise the monthly payment that much over 5 or 6 years. Should be OK.
NO! It wasn't!
Ladies and gentleman, I am about to tell you a story of ups, downs, deception and negotiations so brutal that some of us began to sweat. But who and why? And what does ringing a bell have to do with any of this!?!
The answers will be revealed here, on this blog, for your reading pleasure, in full detail for you to ponder and consume.
But not tonight.
Tonight I must rest and put the nightmare behind me with a glass (entire bottle) of wine and song. I would include women in that equation but there don't seem to be any around.
I must collect my thoughts. Till next time..........
Coming up on U N L O A D E D........
Fake bosses. We'll take a look at the cubicle dwelling subspecies.
And later.....
Behold the Blackberry or is it the Crackberry? My addiction revealed!
Also to come.....
Dealing with defeat. I hate to lose damn it!
