Making a Break For It
"You're alone up there."
"Your angry."
"You need a change of pace."
Such were the words uttered to me by a relative that that I've become reacquainted with. He is one of the very few who can soundly be regarded as a "friendly."
I sit here in my small apartment restless and uncertain....waiting for the other shoe to drop but not sure if there is another shoe. There are feelings of being rudderless and then there are feelings of shock and horror as one wonders where all the time has gone and how much of it is left.
Wasn't I supposed to be further along? Wasn't I to have it all figured out? Would I be happier someplace else or is happiness not the product of the environment you're in but the state of one's mind? I have a feeling it's a little bit of both.
Would dropping it all and embracing the sun and fun of West Palm Beach, Florida melt the ice or bring it's own new chill amidst the stifling heat and humidity?
I am a product of the busy fast paced world of the north eastern United States. The congestion, aggression and fast paced nature of this place is debilitating and invigorating. I can't describe it any better. You just have to be here to understand.
I've always wanted to make a break for it. Drop it all and go someplace new. Another country even. There's not much holding me down really, but I don't think the fun and sun of Florida is for me. I never cared for weather that was too hot and I despise humidity. I also don't care to get nipped by gators which roam free in land of Disney World. Although such an incident would be rare. It's more or less of an excuse.
I guess what this recent discussion has done is spark my desire to tear it all down and build it back up elsewhere.....far from here. A place where new adventures, romances and opportunities await. A place where anything can happen. I need to go to this place. But not Florida. Maybe a vacation there is in order. But it's not the "new home."
Have you ever wanted to run of after just getting fed up with it all? Do you feel that it's running away from the problems or solving them? If you wanted to make a break for it, where would you go?
U N L O A D here.......
Coming up next on U N L O A D E D......
Everyone hates Ricardo.
40 PEOPLE HAVE UNLOADED:
Many a time. Although I think in terms of becoming a hermit or monk not gator bait.
"Wasn't I supposed to be further along? Wasn't I to have it all figured out? Would I be happier someplace else..."
Holy Hell.
You could have been writing that as ME.
I think that all the time!
Aren't I supposed to be MORE than this? IS there MORE than this? Why aren't I further along in my life?
Both of my brothers (who are younger than me) have beautiful WIVES, gorgeous HOMES and CHILDREN, AND... Bonus, they have careers THEY LOVE.
Meanwhile...I haven't even been ON A DATE in over a YEAR, I hate HATE my job, I dont have a house, I can barley afford my damn rent in my crappy condo, although I do have a child...he is getting OLDER, needs me less and less.
Sigh.
I'd be "standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona such a fine sight to see"
Well, ok, not Winslow. Phoenix.
Each time I visit my snowbird parents there it makes me want to stay more and more.
It's a dry heat you know ;-p
Ever heard the saying "Wherever you go, there you are"? You can't hide from yourself. Been there, tried it, failed miserably ...
On the one hand, it doesn't matter how far you go, you can't help but bring all your emotional baggage with you wherever you end up.
On the other hand, a fresh start can be a really powerful thing and I've had good luck with them myself.
Since you don't have kids to uproot, this could be a good time to try it. Friends, employment (can you make a move that will be good for you professionally?) are all stuff to think about...but really I don't think there's a right or wrong on this one.
On figuring it all out - nah. I don't think there's any figuring out this crazy life. I think the best you can do is find some semblance of peace with it. :-)
As far as where I'd go - I think being near some water, family, friends (not necessarily in that order!) and I'd more or less be fairly content (or discontent) just about anywhere.
SJ- I have had the whole Kane from Kung Fu thing as well where I want to be a hermit but get into adventures and stuff. Gator bait is not for me.
Meleah - Glad it connected with you . Yes everyone seems to be much better off right? And then there's people like...US! But do we really have it that bad? I can't say. Some people think I have it made. I can tolerate my job but it's not where I want to be. It's a way to pay the bills but not a career I love. Don't even get me started on the apartment situation and your son will always need you but just in different ways. Trust me he will. And what is this not being on a date for a year nonsense? Don't make me come down to NJ and take you out one. You'll want a second ;-)
MKD I hear it's a dry heat over there too but you can still fry an egg on the pavement :-) But many say AZ is a great place and there are vast amounts of people fleeing California and other places to live there. So it must be good.
Monique - I have heard that and you may be right BUT would the change of environment begin the change of you?
Jill - Yes no kids means freedom right? So what am I waiting for? A fresh start always seems so appealing to me. There is no right or wrong answer to this. I think it boils down to the person you are. As far as figuring out this crazy life, no one can. Or can they?
BTW thanks for the post nice to know I am not just particularly weak to want to run away from it all :)
As you've found out, I'm not one for the short comments. I wrote a very long comment and it was too freakin' long so I wrote a post instead, titled, "Running Away From Home" - it's not posted yet as of this writing.
Meleah: I'm so sorry you hate your job. That really sucks. I'm hearing way too much of that these days.
I find it difficult to believe you haven't been on a date in over a year, what with you being all sorts of gorgeous. I believe it when Ricardo says that you'll want a second date!! Then again, my guess is that HE'LL want a second date!
It's amazing how symbolic our homes are and how many people identify their worth with renting some small place. "My crappy 1-bedroom" or "My sh*tty studio" is what I hear.
I remember when I lived at home and thought I'd never live on my own. I thought I couldn't be independent.
I moved out into what some people might consider a crappy "garden" apartment. I loved it. I'm not saying it's easy but I do know that attitude is, if not everything, it's a lot of things.
SJ - No problem my good man. It has nothing to do with weakness in my opinion. I think it comes from our need to want peace of mind.
MsQ Your comments are always welcomed and length means you put thought into what you had to say.
Your place of residence is such a huge part of your identity. At least to some. This is why so many want to flock to the upscale areas when they come into money. You can brag and feel like you've "made it."
I used to think I was not capable of making it because so many idiots in my family never liked it if someone made it. But you did it and the garden apartment was a huge step I'm sure no mater how modest it may seem to some.
I can't fathom a woman of Meleah's beauty and personality NOT being on a date for that long. It's a damn crime if you ask me and it needs to stop. Thanks for the encouraging words on my part and yes, I may want a 2nd, 3rd and 4th date. ;-) What man with his wits about him wouldn't? ;-)
Get your ass to NJ! We can figure out HOW to make our lives better over a few drinks. ... or at least LAUGH.
Meleah - I think that is very much needed. Name your time and I'm there in the Garden State.
I have felt your pain for some time now. Believe me, living close by to where you are can really give you HIGH anxiety. I always thought about moving up to Maine. A nice, cool, tranquil place. I'm not much for the heat either, nor am I fond of gators trolling my backyard. Have you ever thought about Maine at all?
I'm in the same boat my friend!
Enjoy the weekend!
Here's an idea...you can do the Kung Fu Kane thing but...instead of walking around and kicking people in slow motion with a cloth pack slung over your shoulder...you can:
Wear your laptop in a nice ergonomic backpack and drive from state to state visiting all your delightful and of course, incredibly beautiful, wonderfully talented, highly intelligent, female bloggers. With the occasional visit to a male blogger just to keep up your testosterone levels.
Hmmm. Maybe that's what that safari hat/theme from "Taxi" thing was all about. Dang! You're about to go on a journey, a journey to find yourself. Try to avoid the whole "Heart of Darkness" thing and maybe go for "Excellent Adventure" - again, attitude...attitude.
Seriously, perhaps hitting the road and talking with others who are in a similar emotional space is the way to go. Would probably make for a great book/screenplay as well. I vaguely (OK, it burns bright) recall your mentioning you'd take ME out on a date if you were in the area. Not that you really know what area I'm in but hmm...
So you got your NJ connection, your MI connection, your ME connection, your TX connection...
I live in a lovely area.
Yeah and then can you guys both hit Texas 'cause lately around here...
~Deb - You know exactly what I mean because you are very close to where I am. Isn't it awful. Yes I thought of Main and even Nova Scotia! But part of me loves the night life and those places don't have much in the way of that :-( But the anxiety would go away I bet. Enjoy the weekend.
MsQ - Of course I would take you out on a date! You like Meleah deserve to be spoiled a bit on a night out. Maybe I'll go from state to state being a male blogging gigolo. LOL! Much better than what I'm doing now. the safari hat could have been a real sign for sure!
Jill do I have to come down to Texas and take you out also?
ricardo, it looks as if things are improving already......
i run away from home every day.
each smile from a pretty woman transports me.
each mile i pedal transports me.
each yard i run on the soccer field transports me.
so much so that i`m glad to hear the apartment door close behind me at night when i return.
i guess the message is that you can never run away.
Ricardo: If you don't take Jill out, I will. She's hot! She has a belly ring! She and Meleah make make me look like a...a..Sunday School teacher!!! To quote Jill, ":-):-):-)"
Plus, Jill knows where all the Good Bathrooms are! Do you think you could wring a book/screenplay out of such a trip? For some reason I think all of us female commenters have dark hair. Not sure but dark long hair seems the norm.
I have short dark hair but am actually growing it out a bit (Mom and others have been telling me, "Grow it out, even just a little - men like longer hair..")
Returning to the idea of getting a book out of this trip...you might want to look up the author Po Bronson. Take lots of photos.
Oh, I suggest visiting Urban Thought. I certainly would if I were in NYC!
Huh. This kinda road trip sounds way fun to me. Enough planning to make me feel like I had a plan but also enough freedom to make me feel like I was escaping. That's me though!
If anything, it sounds like you need to get out of your head for a while if you know what I mean.
Traveling male blogging gigolo - I think you might need a t-shirt or coffee mug that says that!
I dunno though - it would have to be called something different than a date. :-0 Maybe if you bring Meleah Rebeccah & Ms. Q. :-) Because I'm pretty sure I decided that dating requires more emotional energy than I actually possess.
(No really, I ****AM**** going to sign up for a real dating website, I really am! One day, someday...this weekend. No, next weekend, no wait then it will be the holidays...)
Oh my gosh MsQ!!!!!!!!!!!! I needed that laugh today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) :-)
Wow, I shouldn't get so distracted and leave the computer quite so often mid comment - there's too much going on in between when I start and when I actually hit publish (ok it was a phone call again).
Who needs dating? I'm in love w/Dr.Alistair's comment! I don't *totally* agree with that one last sentence though - I still think there's the "fresh start" aspect of moving & changing.
Dr.A that is a good way of looking at it and I always love hearing your insights into these things. Beautiful women do indeed cast the same spell on me as well. Usually an adult film but at least it’s elsewhere.
MsQ – You a Sunday school teacher? Not after some of the scant details you’ve revealed here. And yes! Grow the hair longer, that’s hot on Asian women. I can’t say it any other way.
I’d love to sit down with Urban and have a few drinks. He seems like an upstanding guy.
The dating deck is indeed stacked too heavily with brunettes and we need some blondes and redheads in the mix too. Where be all you fare haired maidens? We must diversify.
It is a rather unique talent that Jill has for knowing where all the good bathrooms are. Belly rings are hot as well.
There seems to be many dating opportunities coming out of the woodwork here. Just remember this ladies:
There’s enough of me for all of you. LOL!!!! I amuse myself sometimes like that.
Jill - are you saying you’re just up for booty calls right now and the dating is boring stuff that will come later?
Dr.A is a great guy and is full of great wisdom I tell you.
Oy! I'm referring to your comment to Jill about "booty calls" hahaha!
Yes, Dr. A is chock full o' goodness. My understanding of successful NLP practitioners is that they know how to well, live and live positively. I'm in agreement with him - you can't run away. Problems stem from within.
Jill: I'm not sure how you put in all those smileys. It took me a bunch of effort to quote you. You must you 'em so much you have those set of keystrokes on autopilot.
LOL Oopsie! Guilty! That's why I'm leaving the 'burbs, my friend!
MsQ - If Jill is out for the booty call, I'll be the booty. LOL! But seriously, it's clear that NLP has really helped DR get a firm grip on life and keeping the upper hand. You have to give him credit. If I were only in Canada I could see him to help me work out the anxiety.
Monique - Get out of the burbs!
Booty call - I don't think I've tried that as of yet. Although there's this guy...he'd ideally like to be friends with my boobies without being friends with the rest of me. Maybe that's booby call instead of booty call?
Unfortunately I don't seem to come parceled out that way...I sort of come complete I think. Or maybe I'm just not that great at compartmentalizing. Either way, boobie call, bootie call, dating, relationships, seeing someone...I'm not sure my emotions can tell the difference and it ***all*** feels pretty draining.
I'm going to second the suburb thing and just shrug on the smilies - I have to be fast at them I guess? **Shrug shrug** What else can you do when you speak sarcasm comes more easily than standard English?
Jill: "Boobie Call" hahaha! I do know what you mean by dating being draining. I took dating off my "to do" list for a couple years and wow it was nice. Take dating off your list and you take all sorts of other thoughts off your list. You don't worry about nice panties, how you're coming across to some attractive guy, being alone on Friday night.
I can't do the booty call either. I can't separate the emotional from the physical connection. Just not a booty or booby call type of gal.
Ricardo: isn't there an NLP practitioner in your area?
I'm a military wife...my husband and I have lived in 8 places over the last 22 years. some of the places I have absolutely hated but the military sent us there so I had to deal. I have had dreams of settling down into one house, growing a garden, having fancy chickens and maybe a llama or two. I envy people who have never had to move. I envy people who have lived in the same house their entire lives. I envy people with the perfect job. I have occasionally thought, day dreamed about getting away from it all. My dreams usually take me to the mountains, to a cabin, a little garden out back, a fire place and a desk to sit at and write and write and write....I have also thought about moving to New Zealand. :) I have actually had a very blessed life and I wouldn't change anything really. I have heard some people envy me. After all, I have a great husband, five children and have gotten to experience things and places other people only dream of.
Jill - He should take all or nothing becauseit's not like your body parts are detachable. The whole process is draining. I agree. So hit and miss and most of the time it's a miss. And misses can hurt.
MsQ - I'm going to look that up. It seems to work very well for Dr.A. NLP may be the way to go.
Marsha - That's right you do have to travel all over the place when your significant other is in the armed forces. And I'm sure you were sent to some places you hated. Do you think you'll be where you are for awhile at least? I too have had the dream of fleeing to the montains provided there was electricity and Direct TV and internet. But there is something about getting away from it all to write that's very appealing to me. New Zealand would be a very cool place to live. I love thinking about living abroad. It sounds like you've had a great life and you have a fantastic family from what I see.
I too would need MY satelite TV, MY TIVO and MY computer on that get away..I would probably go insane without those things...and beside I heard withdrawal is awful so why risk it. :) I do have a great family. We love, we cry and sometimes we don't like each other very much. We are full of imperfections but we are great just the same. I have always wanted to visit New Zealand. Some day I might get there.
Marsha I can see a very loving family through your blog and videos and coming from a lot of crazy people, I know the good families when I see them.
The TV and computers are essential. I need to watch my shows like Rescue Me and Galactica and I have to jump on the net. I also need my creaky old PlayStation2.
You should do a family trip to New Zealand. Brutal plane ride but worth it.
I'm experiencing that right now. I'm a bit disappointed in myself, as people that I saw as behind me are now outpacing me. And there don't seem to be enough hours in the day to make up the slack.
Ricardo, should you ever need to get away from it all, enjoy playing trouble, connect 4 and uno there is a place at our table. One more mouth to feed won't make a difference. Chairs at the table go quickly. I hope you like to eat in front of the TV. I have three couches that are comfortable to sleep on. :)
I think we all [bloggers] feel like this or at least most of us do and that is why we connect to each other through our blog, which is our link. I have a theory, which could possibly be totally wrong - but all of us bloggers have some kind of void inside or some kind of wanting that ties us together.
A questioning nature and the desire to find the answers.
Marsha - Thank you so much for the invitation and it's good to know there's a spot at the table across the country if I move fast ;-) It's very kind of you and it would be an honor to meet you and your family. Thank you so much and couches and eating in front of the TV is just fine by me. LOL!
Random - I think there is indeed a void that pulls people to blogging and bloggers together. The inquisitive nature is also strong in all of us. Have we become the common peoples philosophers? I don't know but there is certainly a great deal of truth to what you are saying here.
one day I am going to return to Cinque Terre and do nothing but pick grapes and drink wine...yessiree!
JohnB I too would love such a life. A life of wine women and song.
I loved Cinque Terre! Gorgeous there this time of year...I was there in Sept 1999 - dang how time flies. Tourist season is just about over and the locals are so nice. I found the Italians very welcoming in general.
Great place to gather your thoughts as you hike from city to city. Plus, seeing the sun-kissed colors of these ancient homes nestled in the hills, you get this sense of time and what's important. I'd forgotten all about Cinque Terre. Glad JohnB mentioned it!
I live to get away!
Straight to Fiji. No return ticket.
Enemy - I totally understand.
MikeV sounds like a good idea. No Republicans there.
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