The Nightmare Files
They come and go and wake us from our sleep in a fight. Nightmares are a part of life and our brains way of working stuff out. At least that's what some people say. I personally can do without them and at one time they were few and far between. That all changed with this recent battery of medications I've been taking to curb my anxiety and tame my slight touch of asthma. The 2 conditions can feed off one another and can totally fuck up your day. I don't like this so I take the medications while I search for an alternative to deal with the issue. I've told you here before about the side effects of these drugs and both can give you what are called "vivid dreams." I wouldn't mind this if it involved Hawaiian Tropic or Victoria's Secret Models, but they usually don't. Hell, I'd even take a visit from the succubus but no luck there either. These are good old fashioned nightmares and they suck. Today I'll give you a rundown of my nightly trips into the twilight zone.
Nightmare #1: The Super Duper Ultra Orthodox Jew in Brooklyn
There is a BIG, BIG difference between the type of Jew I am versus the SOME of types you'll see scurrying about in places like Williamsburg Brooklyn. Those of you who have been to this part of the Big Apple have seen them all in black with the big beards and all. They have a very tight knit and insulated community which is highly self sufficient. And sometimes they can be a tad unwelcoming to Jews who don't tow their line. But just a tad. Now let's be crystal clear here; I'm not coming down on this sect of Judaism at all, but the ultra orthodox lifestyle to me is.......a FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!
Dressing in black 365 days of the year, wearing big black hats and growing a big bushy beard is not my cup of tea. Factor in the rule that if you're caught doing anything on Saturday like using the phone or any type of electricity (which warrants a royal beat down) and you'll see it's not fun at all.
Tis the theme of our first nightmare ladies and gents; getting caught using electricity on shabbat. There I was, all in black, living in Brooklyn with a wife I never had before in her standard issue wig and head scarf. We were sharing a cramped apartment with her brother and sister. Everyone was engaged in prayer after an all day affair at synagogue. It was almost sundown and I had to take a leak badly. I got up, went to the bathroom and.....I flipped the light switch. "RICARDO!" Shouted my "wife" followed by a barrage of cursing in Yiddish. Soon her brother and sister were in on it too and then all the Yentas in the apartment complex were knocking on the door waiting for their turn to yell at me.
The next day I was banished from the community which is devastating because ones entire life is supported by the community from cradle to grave. The Head Rebbe ordered me to be stripped of my marriage, apartment and 98 Cadillac which was bigger than my apartment. It was devastating. No one leaves the community and if you do, you lose everything as I did. My support system was shattered and I was forced to live like........a goy!!! Oy vey!! What a nightmare!
Nightmare # 2: The Deadly Mutant Electric Eel in my Aquarium
This was no ordinary electric eel ladies and gents, it was mutated! Like something you see in in the horror movies and highly intelligent as well. Naturally this pulsating bastard ate all my fish and somehow multiplied and spread throughout my apartment. They were in the sink, toilet and bath tub. The HORROR! Not only that but with my little fishies gone there were new mutant creatures swimming about with the eel. Like freakish looking lobster, crabs and fish with giant razor sharp teeth. I was helpless to control these monsters and trapped. Death was certain.
What the fuck?
Nightmare # 3: I'm Stuck in High School
Everyone I graduated with is in their 30's yet we are all still attending High School!!!!! WHY!?!?!? It's half prison, half reform school, part reunion.
I went to a strict all boys Catholic school and hated it now that I look back on it. There is nothing that I wish to relive about it. No girls, no fun, no nothing! It's behind me and then this dream comes up and I'm right back in there. The sad thing is no one else seems to question it. They simply agree to attend class and a fall in line. But not me, I rebel!!!
Why? Because I'm flunking my classes and can't pay attention to the BS, that's why!!! Not only that, we're all in our fucking 30's. My fellow brothers, get a fucking hold of yourselves!!!! I decide to break ranks alone, there is no getting through to the others.
I discover the world outside is a police state. I live my life on the run and in fear. If I am caught, I will be sent back to the evil school.
Not for nothing, but what is this?
Nightmare #4: This House Possessed!
I'm back home living with my grandparents and all seems normal and then, it's all gone. The living room is stripped bare except for the TV and my grandfathers easy chair. The clock on the wall goes backwards and the basement is slightly flooded with just a few items from my childhood and my grandfathers desk and typewriter.
I carry on my life there as best I can. The kitchen is empty, no table or anything. I can't go upstairs for some reason and I'm worried about letting intruders from the outside in.
Then, my grandparents are back and the place is normal. Well.....sort of. One of them will usually be very ill and I have to keep tabs on them and I'm inexplicably driving a late 80's Volvo station wagon. I finally work up the nerve to venture outside and it's nothing like the place I grew up in. It's rather nice but all of my things are packed up in the Volvo. I can't leave, my grandparents. They need me after all but then......poof...they're gone.
What the fuck was that shit?
Dreams and Nightmares
I could go on, I suppose, with more but this is enough as I am exhausted from recounting these stories. I wouldn't mind if they were good dreams but they aren't and some of these are
recurring ones. They all started when I began taking these damn prescription drugs!!
The last good dream I had? I met model/actress Mila Jovovich at a store, we hit it off and I wound up making out with her. The dream ended far too early and it's been a long time since I had a good one like that.
Are these nightmares trying to tell me something? Maybe, maybe not. The could be past things I have yet to resolve or my brain simply short circuiting in the dead of night. I don't think I'll ever know but we all have them now and again. I just wish they weren't drug induced for lack of a better term.
Have you had some weird dreams? U N L O A D them here if you'd like.
Coming up next on U N L O A D E D....... The value of a slow cooked meal. With everyones busy schedules, has this become a lost art form? Are we destined to eating pseudo fast food from here on out? I'll share my thought's next on U N L O A D E D.
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weird people... weird dreams. You are in good company though! lol I get them too...
I am interested in the slow cooked meal post! lol I cook them about 5 days a week! I love to cook! (sometimes I cook and give the food away to friends and neighbors! ya ik I have a problem!)
Kate the cooking thing was something I observed as my life gets busier. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one getting messed up dreams these days. If we're losing it then damn it let's go nuts together.
I dream weird stuff. I dream about high school. I'm usually without pants and can't find my locker or remember the locker combination... Sometimes I dream about war. I can't seem to escape the bad guys. I'm running and running and running..but I have a big gun and I'm not afraid to use it. :)
Marsha - Ah the dreams without any cloths or missing some. , yes I have had those too. Glad you have a big gun in the war ones. I find that if I'm armed in my dreams I can't use the gun. It jams or misfires. Horrible.
I love these dreams! I once heard that we are all the persons in our dreams meaning, you are the Jew who turned on the light, the wife, etc and each character represents a different part of your id. Or my dad can give you a couple of lottery numbers.
You've inspired me to copy your theme and blog about it myself.
(I have a strange fear of aquariums)
Maritza - I like how you are reading into these. It's very interesting. Tell your dad to give me lottery numbers quick! I could always use the money. What is your fear of aquariums may I ask?
The first dream is a call for you to go fight in Palestine. See you in the after life.
Would an electric eel be allowed to use electricity on sabbath by the Ultra-orthodox people?
I don't think dreams tell us anything about the future or stuff like that. They do bring out stuff we don't have time or willingness to deal with in waking life.
The first dream could be a fear of screwing up when things seem settled around you and losing it all.
The third and fourth are people and places from your own past it could mean nothing or that you have been trying to not think about them when awake.
The eel dream? Maybe it was the only "regular" nightmare unless you have a fear of eels.
SJ - Please there's enough fighting going on over there. What every one in Israel and the Palestinian authority need to do is put down the weapons have a stiff drink and party like it's 1999. Then again a 2 state solution would do wonders also. The head hurts just thinking about all the issues over there.
I do believe an electric eel would be violating the terms of the Sabbath by simply being. Maybe the orthodox owner could knock the eel out for the day to get around the rule. Your assessment of the first dream is accurate I think. Having lost it all before can put one on edge of it happening again. The past dreams could be me repressing some memories but there really wasn't anything that great for me in high school. The haunted house one I get more.
Weird nightmares. But I've had weirder. When I was young, I dreamed that my alarm clock dropped in a vat of toxic waste in beside my bed, mutated, and went on a homicidal rampage, killing my best friends. Seriously. I did.
Well Ricardo, this is a veeeery interesting topic to discuss, indeed. And it's also nice to read through comments. You dispose people to share, I find it an important thing for a blogger.
Personally, I have a repetitive dream. From time to time I see a long bridge dilapidated, and myself staying before that bridge. Maybe it symbolizes my life? Frankly, I'm scared.
I wish I could remember my dreams. I usually forget them.
I do remember ONE DREAM that was sort of a nightmare.
I was trapped in an elevator with some people from my office. (thats the nightmare) But the elevator was a shaped like a laundromat DRYER, (complete with glass window front) and when the boss came onto the elevator to press the buttons we just kept spinning around like we were on the fluff cycle....
Anyway I am glad that I don't remember my "nightmares"....
Your nightmares sound very vivid. I tend to think of most dreams as sort of emotional garbage collection - grabbing the stuff that happened to you during the day and then constructing some type of story out of it. At least, that's how I explain why let's say, the cashier at the supermarket shows up in my dream and that was the first time I'd met him. No real purpose. A bit player.
I haven't had any screaming type nightmare in...I can't recall. I've had scary dreams but even those aren't nightmarish.
I do get pretty obvious repetitive dreams about looking for something and not being able to find it.
Another theme is similar to "running in place" where I just can't get anything done. So I keep getting lost, or I'm washing the floor and the mop breaks, I run out of soap, etc. etc. Usually there is something going on in my life that makes the theme fairly obvious.
I also get repetitive more freakish dreams when I take cold medications so I'm guessing that what you're experiencing is an order of magnitude greater which really sucks.
Do your repetitive nightmares have any meaning?
#1: perhaps you're still struggling with becoming Jewish or have some reservations, some fears that you will lose yourself in some way? Your nightmare may be using the more extreme form of Judaism to exaggerate your doubt into fear.
It could also be as SJ said that you are afraid of losing all that you have gained. Or a combination of what we both think - that is, you have gained a sense of community and spiritual connection but are afraid of losing your self.
Which may also relate to fear of love, giving of yourself totally and having the faith that the love will be returned - unconditionally. Being ostracized and having love withdrawn by a lightswitch...hmm.
#2: I agree with SJ - probably your basic "normal" nightmare: something is out to get you and you're helpless.
#3: I've had the ole return-to-high-school dream as well. It's never been a police state, though.
In your case, the theme seems to be that you are breaking free of social rules (as you say yourself) but everyone else is fine with it. The fact that you're running in fear from what is outside school - the police state is further pressure for you to conform.
In looking at dreams 1 and 3, it seems that there is a lot of fear of conformity, that is, being made to conform.
#4 seems straightforward as well. Something along the lines of "you can never go back."
Are these unresolved issues? They might be. When it comes down to it, I would think that a nightmare is what you make of it - you decide if it has meaning.
A few months ago I may not have written so much about nightmare and dreams. However, I have been paying more attention to my own dreams (or trying to) and most of the time, my dreams seem to be "garbage collection" but almost a month ago I dreamt about the same people 3 nights in a row. I usually don't dream about anyone, much less strangers, several nights in a row! On night 3 one of the 2 people spoke to me - directly, and it was almost like lucid dreaming, I had some awareness that I was in a dream. He told me what I must do. He did it in the form of a metaphor but yeah, I got it.
After I did what I had to do, it has been "back to regular programming".
I'm looking forward to your "slow cooked meal" post. It makes me think of the post I wrote about the value of sharing meals or cooking for people. I think you read it already but just in case:
http://qmusings.com/blog/2007/06/13/an-invitation-to-dinner/
I have really weird nightmares as well. The feeling of relief when you get up and realize it was only a dream is the sweetest ever!
I didn't have nightmares until I took up this career, which is odd because I really like what I do.
The dream is pretty much the same, it only changes bases on what show I'm doing or what hotel I'm staying in.
I'll wake up, or sort of half wake up, I'm familiar with my surroundings and I know that I'm in my bedroom at home or that I'm in my hotel room but the movie shoot is going on all around me.
Usually, the camera is right next to the bed. Sometimes it's grips moving the bed to lay down dolly track that woke me up in the first place. Either way, I'm stuck in the middle of the hubub and chaos of a movie set, right in the middle of my bedroom and it's almost always the movie that I'm working on at that moment, which gives these half waking dreams a bit more umph because, they seem just so barely plausible when you're only a quarter awake.
My first thought is always, "Shit, I'm late. They're going to fire me and my movie career is over."
My second thought is always, "Who told you that you could shoot this scene in my bedroom?"
And my third thought is always, "Shit, I'm naked."
Apparently, this is sort of a waking dream. My girlfriend tells me that I've sat up in bed and started talking to a phantom AD and demanding that he get me the location manager.
What do you think this might say about my subconsious and my professional life?
Nellioness, thanks for dropping in. You're dream is very interesting and while I am no expert, I think it means that you may be at a big transition or crossroads in your life and you need to take that next big step. What that is exactly, I don't know. But it is scary to do. This is my hunch as to what it means.
Meleah - LOL! That dream is classic! Could it mean that you and the staff are overworked and at each others throats? Is your boss good or evil? Glad you can't recall the others because they usually are not fun.
MSQ- I have also had the running in place dreams. I think we all get that. I do think the dreams are a strange rehashing of things that happened in the day or week culminating into something strange.
I felt very much at home becoming Jewish but lately I feel that I have not been holding up my end of the deal when it comes to being Jewish. My job has separated me from the community at my synagogue and I feel like I've turned my back on them.
Indeed I had some worries at first that I would lose some of me when I made the commitment but this is why I became a Conservative/Masorti Jew as opposed to Orthodox. While the conservative label may seem like this is a hardline branch of Judaism it is not, it's actually quite liberal. I don't run around wearing a yarmulke all day or anything unless I'm in a synagogue. But I also don't eat cheeseburgers and pork chops. That took some getting used to but the joke was that I was Jewish all along and didn't know it.
There is also always a fear of losing everything again since it already happened once before.
And it's interesting that you too have the return to high school thing going on once and a while. Why is that?
The 4th dream is about not being able to go back. I think you're right.
I will read the cooking post. I may inspire my own post.
Random - Yes I have had a few of those too where you look around and breathe a sigh of relief when you realize it was just a dream. You can not beat that feeling.
Thomas - LOL! I have had those dreams to where my job is around my bed and I'm naked as well and then I have this fear that I too am late and that I'm going to get fired. I think it has something to do with Job anxiety. You love it so much you don't want to lose it. Then these crazy dreams kick in.
I believe that there are 2 types of dreams. There are the dreams caused by random neurons firing and there are dreams where you are trying to work out issues. I would say all of yours (except the eel) are the latter. Just off the cuff, they seems to have to do with losing control to other peop[e. (Excuse my bad writing this morning, I just got up)
I've found that the dreams caused by the drugs eventually go away. I wonder if maybe you weren't sleeping well before the medication and became exhausted and now you are playing catch up.
I have recurring dreams constantly. My dreams seem to have 2 recurring themes. 1)I always dream about houses. Kinda hard to expain. 2)I have a recurring nightmare about an ex. He is the last person I want invading my sleep.
A couple of times I had dreams that I was about to be executed. That was horrible.
I have several good crockpot recipes for you. Okay, do you want to hear something wierd? As I was writing this, I suddenly remembered that I dreamt about a crockpot last night. I think that maybe it's because the weather feels sort of autumnish tonight.
I've had nightmare number 3 a lot. I think it has to do with unresolved issues. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. It's scary because I will scream and lash out in my sleep. I've hit my husband so many times while sleeping that he could probably press charges. It makes you hate to sleep.
Gave ya another plug on my blog.
BBE - The execution dreams sound scary to me. Could it be related to what's going on with what we talked about privately? The house may not be so weird. It's your home and homes give a sense of security. Losing such is a major source of stress. The ex dream is a total drag. I think that may just be your mind trying to annoy you. I agree we have the 2 types of dreams you discussed. It's very true.
Enemy - Thank you so much for the plug and glad you liked the series. In all honesty I don't think you're going to really like Dead Like Me which sort failed on Showtime. There's a reason for that and I'll let you discover why for yourself. It only went 2 seasons so it should not be too long. So you also had the High School one a lot. Me too. What was so critical that it must still haunt me now? I really can't think of anything back then. The period was vapid.
lol
ya its kinda like going to Hell... at least there will be good company! lol
Have a good day!
Thanks Kate and you the same. I think hell will be very interesting indeed given the company and a much better party scene.
Not sure what is up with returning to high school. I think most people go back there in dreams every so often. My guess is that it's because for many of us it was a time of transition (duh) and we were figuring out who we were and everything just felt so vivid. I mean, the hormones and physical changes and emotional upheavals - for most of us, high school was memorial (good or bad).
When I go back to high school it's kind of funny. I go back but I'm the current me emotionally. So I may look like I'm 15 or whatever, but I'm really 42 in my head. Hmm...maybe I should write a post about this instead! Yeah, I think I can wring something outta this.
As you would say..stay tuned...(and I'll be sure to link to this post...)
MsQ-Thanks for the link love if you write the story and it's nice to see so many people having this recurring High school nightmare. I feel so united with my fellow dream freaks.
I've heard that one too Maritza, & it makes a lot of sense to me, since you really are making all the people and other things in your mind.
When I did phone volunteering for a radio station earlier this month I had dreams with ringing telephones, so that kind of speaks to Ms.Q's garbage theory I guess.
Jill I take it the phones were quite busy and left you traumatized. LOL! I've had such dreams like that myself. They are awful.
Who knows what the hell THAT dream means. I am just GLAD I dont remember anymore of my dreams!
Wishing you a safe and happy holiday weekend.
Meleah the same to you and let's hope you forget the bad dreams and remember the good ones.
hi, in one of my psychotherapy course one teacher told that if we have a question for our life try to get to sleep with that question in ur mind. somehow the answer it will come ... but in the unique form of subconscious .
Motan thanks for stopping by. If dreams can hold the answers to our problems I'll have to start going to sleep thinking about the problems like you say. It does make sense.
Thank you Ricardo! I got it.
Well-well... I'm not going to sleep anymore! Never! ;D Cause I don't want this dream come back to me.
~My smiles to you~
Nellioness - I hope you can sleep again and have it be a very blissful one. It is not a nice dream but I hope you can get around it and I'll take those smiles any day.
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