Last week the phone rang. It was late, around 1:30 AM, which is not the typical time I usually receive calls. I had a bad feeling about it. My instinct was to not pick up the phone...but I did. I was greeted by a drunken woman.
Me: Hello?
Long silence.
Me: Who's this?
Drunken Woman: Who's this? Who's this?
Me: What do you want?
Drunken Woman: Tell Rick....that his father is dead......
She hung up. I was disturbed but shook it off and went to bed.
Fast forward to this past weekend, I get a call from my fathers brother saying he needs to talk to me and leaves me his number. I've worked hard to put distance between this side of my family and yours truly. I didn't want to let this door swing open again because what's on the other side isn't worth letting in. But what about that late night call from the week before? Something was up. I called him back.
"Your father is dead. He passed away 2 years ago from colon cancer. I'm also dying of liver cancer. I don't know how much time I have left." He declared. I told him that I was sorry to hear that but this particular individual (my fathers brother) excels at embellishment and manipulation. Even if he was sick, there's a hook, a twist, a plan buried underneath all the shocking news. I let the conversation continue for curiosities sake. He told me how relived he was that I was doing well, I didn't buy it. He told me that he had always been thinking about me, didn't buy that either. He told me that my father left nothing behind for me except his bible, I didn't want it. I've got a dusty Tanakh somewhere that works just fine so I told him to keep it. What the hell was this really all about?
My Father's Brother: Your father was involved in a subway accident and got hit by a car. There was a lawsuit and the subway one got settled. He got money and I begged him to keep a little bit so he could be buried. I mean...I couldn't handle all those funeral arrangements, it was just to emotional for me.
Me: Right.
My Father's Brother: I never cried for anyone that died, not even my friends that were killed when I was in Vietnam but this one really got to me. I cried like I never cried before.
Me: Really?
My Father's Brother: I just couldn't get involved so, you know I left it all up to your uncle. He knows all about the case. The one with your father getting hit by the car. It's not settled yet but there's money.
Me: These things can take years...yes.
Yes, the picture was becoming clear. My biological father, part con man, part Howard Hughes and part tortured musician might have actually done something for me after all these years of doing nothing. While money couldn't replace the true relationship that a father and son should have, it's better than nothing. But there was still that issue about getting in touch with my uncle who was overseeing the settlement that seemed a bit off. I have never had a quarrel with him, he's always been a noble enough man. But the dying "gentleman" that I was talking to at the moment.....is this an agenda? Is he covering his tracks? What's the con? The impact of my fathers death is not something that hit me hard, we weren't close and I never really liked him. Rather it would be maneuvering the dangerous waters of severed family ties that could be most lethal.
This is true story about betrayal, dysfunction, rejection, anger, manipulation and reuniting. I will write about it here, on this blog, in full detail for your reading enjoyment. You will have the chance to catch a glimpse of people you thought only existed in fiction and then realise that my reality is stranger than fiction and perhaps yours is too. You will read about it all here........
But not tonight
Tonight I will let all of this news settle and digest. Tonight I will also distract myself with visions of fun and frolic with beautiful women and expensive wine. Tonight I will rest because tomorrow I may not have the luxury of doing so.
Up next on U N L O A D E D, the late farewell part II
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You should just rename your blog "But not tonight." Sigh.
So....this upsets you that I'm taking my time in fleshing out this story? II'f I put it al together no one would read it. Too long.
I look forward to it. I still don't trust your "father's brother" (why not uncle?)
Stay tuned to dind out why. Leon stay tuned.
This is going to be a doozy! I'm sorry to hear that they're putting you through this BS.
our family lives are a wreck. each and every one. most just don`t ever face it.
take your time and let it out slowly.
it will help the healing.
I just had a big flood in my bathroom, so I can't comment well. I shall return. I want to talk about this.
Middle of the night / early morning calls very rarely bode well...I can't wait to hear where all of this ends up. I wish you fun times with women and wine! 8)
Ricardo,
Lord do I understand this post. Details later. I am at work. But you have moved me.
take you time...I will read.
I feel for you. So many of the lies I have been told are even sadder because they are the lies that people tell themselves. I don't blame you at all for telling this in small pieces.
Happy distracting visions.
In my case, affordable or even cheap wine distracts.
I swear, sometimes I read your posts and think you must be reading my mind or living my life in some alternate universe.
I too have a long lost "father". I'm sure somebody feels that way about him anyway - it sure as hell it's me.
Lately my husband has asked me what I would do if I got a call that said he had died. Cry? Attend the funeral? Nothing?
I side with nothing. He never did anything for me while he was alive so why should I do anything for him when he's dead? Kind of the old "what goes around comes around" way of thinking I suppose.
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong to have that attitude. But the years and years of him not being a father certainly take a toll on you - physically, mentally, emotionally. Easier to turn it all off.
Maritza - Get ready my dear.
DR. A - Slow and deliberate will be my course, I assure you.
Tracy - Thanks:-) Those calls are never fun. I'm still looking for the real wine women and song but I will have it soon, I'm sure.
Enemy - Hope the flood was cleared up and glad the post moved you. But in what ways? Explain to us or me if you're more comfortable.
Marsha - Good to have you reading. Yes I will tell all.
Ms.Q - I had to settle for cheap wine, but it's really good stuff. Yes these people have lied themselves into a corner. You will understand soon enough.
MKD - You and I, in a strange way, go way back. LOL! I've read your posts and shook my head head saying, "Yep, I know that one."
The thing is that people who don't come from messed up families (I don't know the case of your husband but assume he is if he's asking these questions which is understandable) can't wrap their mind around how crazy and draining this stuff is. They think of their father dying and feel a bond and obligation to attend a funeral. But I know exactly what you mean by wanting to do nothing. It's just not worth doing anything as crazy as that sounds, but it's true.
I'm sorry to hear about the poor relationships with part of your family. I understand where the feelings might come from when I think of my dad's sister. Like your "father's brother" she's my dad's sister, not my aunt.
Take your time writing.
laura -Yes I understand that one perfectly. I'm sorry to hear it really. But there is more to this than meets the eye. The answers when the story continues.
I ask myself those very words all too often it seems..."what's the con?" because more often than not, it turns out to be the case. Agendas...so much wasted energy spent; can't we relax for one freak'n minute?
btw, I've linked you...good stuff here ricardo.
Me and my father just about manage to live on the planet. Recently though there's been a small improvement.
Sorry to hear that...&& I too would've been disturbed at that call from a drunk woman I don't know.
Johnb - Glad you can relate and sorry that you can relate to what I'm talking about here. And thank you very much for the link, I really appreciate that and will have yours up soon. I enjoy your blog as well.
SJ - good to see you and hope the leg procedure went well. I'm really hoping that things do improve with your father as well. It's a much better story.
Nefty - thanks, yes calls like this are typical and this is why I'm usually changing my numbers. It's like I have to go into a witness relocation program.
I've wondered before if I did something bad in a past life that I'm paying for in this one as far as family relations go. It sounds like something is converging as you keep having these incidents. Well, if there is money, it's your money.
I wish whatever it was would just happen and this nonesense would stop.
Hey Ricardo- sorry I'm behind on my reading. Sounds like this is going to be a pretty self revelatory kind of series...I hope it's theraputic for you.
I am proud to say that you are my jewish nephew! great work Mr. Lori
"L"
Hey I told you it was worth checking out. Glad you did.
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