Ricardo vs The Russian Mail Order Bride (Part II)
Behold, Marvel Comics heroine Natasha Romanova aka The Black Widow. Thought to be a descendant of one of the last ruling czars of Russia, Natasha was rescued from a burning building (set ablaze by the Nazis) in Stalingrad by a Russian soldier. She had dreams of becoming a ballerina but later trained with the KGB to become one of the most skilled and deadly operatives ever. Although old enough to have experienced World War II, the Black Widow does not age. She was injected with a super serum which has kept her in peak physical condition over the last several decades. Her hand to hand combat skills are unmatched, she is able to take on superheroes far stronger than she is while maintaining the upper hand. She fires a cable from her bracelets known as the "widows line" and the "widows bite" which electrocutes her enemies with up to 30,000 volts. Her boots and gloves allow her to cling to surfaces and her belt contains some nasty plastic explosives.
If our Russian mail order bride possessed any of these skills then your blogger would be little match for such a refined fighting machine. My dim witted charms would do little to stop her from crushing me into the finest of powders which could be scattered along the Siberian snow drifts. Do recall in our previous post that a Russian woman from my synagogue strongly believed that these brides were indeed KGB agents. But even the legendary Black Widow needed to be rescued from a burning building just like these brides. Rescue, after all, is what we men do now and then to the delight of many women. And you do like it ladies, no matter how many of you out there hate to admit it and profess independence. While having autonomy does indeed make you stronger, a rescue is fun for you once and awhile. You like to have that soldier out there to protect you at the right moments, dominate you at other moments, this I know as fact.
But was I the right soldier for these brides?
The Match Up
Is did a preliminary signing with one of the many online agencies. I've given up on my first prospect, Olenka, who may be stuck in some all womens gulag near Chernobyl. I did not provide any credit card info to these services as it was too close for comfort. I just wanted to see how I would stack up against one of these beauties. After filling in my info, likes and dislikes, I was blasted with a pretty large cross section of women who appeared to be right off the page of a fashion magazine. I could close my eyes and point to any part of the screen and come up with a 10. These women simply could not be real. At least, not in the position where they had to find a man. They were educated, hot and skilled in many languages. Picking one was like splitting hairs. As soon as I found one, there was another that escaped my eye in the lower corner of the screen. It was overload.
Then....I saw her...Viktoria from Voronezh, Russia. She was interested in the fine arts, cinema (not movies), and writing. She was 26, an accountant (what?) but her English needs some work. Would I be the willing tutor or victim?
It's doubtful that any of this is real but as they do in Boxing, here's the tale of the tape.
Her
Name: Viktoria
Age: 26
Birth Date: 09/29/1980
Horoscope Sign: Libra
Height: 5' 5" (167 cm)
Weight: 103 lbs (47 kg)
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Blond
Marital Status: NM
Children: No
Occupation: Accountant
Education: College degree
Religion: Russian Orthodox
Drinking: Never Smoking: No
Residence: Voronezh, Russia
English Speaking Skills*: Limited Beginner
Other languages: No
Me
Name: Ricardo
Age:31
Birth Date: Some time in the mid 70's
Horoscope Sign: Aries
Height: 6'(anyone want to do a cm conversion on this? I failed math! 183 cm? Yeah? No?)
Weight: A svelte 185 lbs (84kg)
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Marital Status: Single and proud of it.
Children: Are you out of your mind?
Occupation: Network TV trafficking hack!
Education: Some college, some school of hard knocks.
Religion: Hedonistic Jew
Residence: Connecticut, USA
English Speaking Skills: I likes to be speakin' Ing-lish all dayz!
Other Languages: I should, but no because I likes to be speakin' Ing-lish all dayz!
So Who REALLY Uses These Places?
She's a knock out, ain't she? While I can't handle this black widow other men may try. But who are they and why would they? You may have your answers but I also have mine and they may be much different than what you would expect. Next time I'm going to give you the low down down on why I think some men turn to these services and why I think women volunteer for them. I don't think it's as clear cut as some of you may think. And you will read about why I feel that way here on this blog, in full detail, for your reading pleasure.
But not tonight.
Tonight my thoughts and dreams will be haunted with the prospect of receiving the "widows bite" and fighting off the poisons of these sirens should I receive it.
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Maybe I should check out Russian mail order grooms?! See if she has an older brother and hook me up!
LOL! It sounds too good to be true right? I'll keep an eye out for you M.
How bizzare... Does anyone actually use these things?
stay tuned to find out!
Wow Ricardo- she sounds great- but do you think she'll put up with the fact that you're a big ol' JOO?
Well, if she does this big ol' joo could always say he's a quaker or something. A minor detail.
Thanks for telling me about the Black Widow. I haven't read a comic book in ages. These girls seem like model material. And now that the Cold War is over, men from all 'bout should be hitting on them. I think they just post model picks to sucker men into giving their credit card info.
Wow. You are actually bigger than I thought. I guess you can never go by one's picture, eh?
Anyway, even at 31 I don't understand why you would want to marry. There really isn't anything in it for you as a man. Anything you can benefit from in a marriage you can get without being married. You can have sex without being married, can go to the movies without being married, anything!
Don't even talk about what you have to lose should the relationship go belly up, and it will go belly up. I think I recently read fully 60% of all marriages end in divorce. And who pays? Men. You pay alimony, and if you have kids, child support. If you marry a woman who already has kids, and get divorced from her, you could end up paying child support for some other man's mistake(s).
Of course, you are a grown man, Ricardo, and are intelligent enough to make your own choices in life, but in this day and age, marriage really doesn't make much sense. You have different people in your life who fulfill different needs, and asking one person to try and fulfill many needs is not realistic.
The notion that men should stick with one person all their life also isn't very realistic. You don't find true monogamy in nature for a reason; it is advantageous to the survival of the species. Men need more than one woman in their life. Marriage is an outdated, puritanical idea that we cling to for some stupid reason.
Follow your own ideas, young Ricardo, don't let society push you into a lifestyle you know doesn't really work. You will save yourself, and possibly another person, a lot of grief.
Good luck!
I forgot, I wanted to mention that any woman that is enough of a whore to basically sell herself for a green card is probably not of the highest moral fiber.
I wonder how many of these women get into this country, and become legal, by being a "mail-order bride", and then make off with half of the poor guy's money later on?
It's a scam I tell ya!
Leon - they're not getting this suckers credit info.
Jamille - With all the weight I sling around 3 times a week I should be bigger but I'm what they call a hard gainer. But what can you do?
Quick story that ties in to what you're saying and why I agree with you. My grandfather used to sit back in his chair with a weary look in his eye as my grandmother nagged him to kingdom come. I would look at him and say "Garandpa, I don't think I want to get married." He'd look around to make sure she wasn't too close and would nod and say "Good! Don't ever do it! You're smart! Smart!" Back then I saw the nagging only. Now, I see all the potential pain you just outlined. Economically, emotionally and in every other aspect, you can get blasted to bits.
You’re right on in surmising that at 31, if I don’t have the itch to get hitched (which I don’t) I probably don’t need it no matter what society tells us is the norm. That 60% failure rate you state is because we are living in a world that says you have be married by age X and have kids by age X and so on. This is not the way to live! Some people are meant to marry while others are not. While I love the company of women, I’m not sure 2 people were meant to be together forever. At least I don’t find the prospect as romantic as others do. Where the adventure? Can’t a moment be a moment? We change and go off in different directions because it’s a very human thing, I agree. Together forever is a nice idea on paper but not the norm as we can see with these stats.
I can indeed get all of the things you say remaining single. I fully intend to do it actually. I like my independence and self sufficiency. I look at my friends who are married and feel blessed to be single. This mail order bride business is totally not for me but my did they get some sirens, huh? That’s why I’m putting the effort into this series of posts. I love looking at them but I can’t marry them. No sir.
Finally, I really hope you are sharing these observations from second hand experience and not first hand stuff. Getting cleaned out after a divorce is awful. I’ve seen it happen to good men that didn’t deserve it. I’m hoping that disaster passed you or will NOT happen to you.
Jamille, according to what the Russian woman I spoke with said, that happens a lot. She knew a couple of guys that were on the receiving end of it.
How fun!!
I have some fairly well informed opinions on Russian mail order brides, so I await your further adventures.
My insane ex considered this....and knows some people who did. All wealthy doctors. I knew one woman who was indeed a Russian mail order bride. Her wealthy husband was a nasty little wife beater, turned out. But, she prevailed. Divorced him, took him to court and got enough money to start her own business ( a beauty shop) in Denver and buy a condo. She is doing really really well, but many don't....
Ricardo,
Naw, I have never been married, and I never will. My friend's wives all try to hook me up, and I always turn them down. They have even tried to trick me by inviting myself and a likely candidate to the same event. In those cases I just play ignorant, never allow myself to be left alone with the woman, and never put myself in a position where I will have to mix with her again.
A long time ago I almost took the plunge, but it was a scam to help a girl become a legal citizen. She was from Mexico, and a lawyer was willing to pay me six grand to marry her. Three grand up front, and three more after we got hitched. Luckily for me I am smarter than that, and decided it was worth risking my reputation, job, finances, and possibly even my freedom to marry some illegal for money.
I am glad to see you understand all this, and that you are strong enough not to conform to societies rules just because others feel you should, and even pressure you to be like them. I feel that not only is marriage a sham as it stands, but now even more so what with the federal and state governments denying gay people the same rights as straights. To me it is APPALLING that the government discriminates against it's citizens in this way. Claiming "the sanctity of marriage" is a joke. Just look at the failure rate and tell me how "sacred" it is. The government doesn't even recognize a religious marriage, that is why the pastor, or priest, or whatever has to say "by the power vested in me in such and such state...".
Don't even get me started on these asshole politicians who scream they are protecting the "sanctity of marriage" on one hand, while getting a blow-job from their assistant on the other hand. Or that goddamed Ted Haggard sonofabitch. That asshole is the biggest hypocrite of them all! Crying about the "sanctity of marriage", and the "sin of homosexuality", and then we find out just which side of the fence that coward is really on.
It makes me sick to live in a country like this, where we discriminate against our own citizens purely based on religious concepts. How backward we really are.
It is no surprise, then, that we would elect a monkey to the highest office in the land.
Shameful. Just fucking shameful.
Lord!. By the way, I'm back.
Carina - Well sounds like that one bride went out of the frying pan, into the fire and into Hotel Ritz. I'm glad she go out of that situation. It also is no shock that many of these candidates are indeed wealthy doctors. They're the only guys that can afford this.
I would love to hear more about this Carina. It's a whole new world for me.
Jamille - I guess I wouldn't mind my friends trying to set me up but it's the intent that worries me. They don't want me to date they want to marry me off to breed or something. What am I? Cattle? They have since given up since they realize that I'm not after the 2.5 kids and house with the white picket fence. Just not my style. Never has been.
As far as the gay marriage thing goes, we are seeing a rerun of what played out when interracial marriage was under the same scope. As far as legal stuff goes, Gay marriage is a civil rights issue that has nothing to do with religion provided that separation of church and state still stands. If you're religious and your religion says no, don't do it. Since this idiot got into the White House we've had a lot of religious nut jobs having way too much sway in the running of this country.
And good thing you backed out of the Mexican Bride thing. That would have got you burned beyond recognition.
Enemy - Glad to see you back my dear. Much has happened here since you went on hiatus as you can see. Party is just getting started.
Well, since I don't think that you are really planning on doing it, I won't try to warn you away. I watched a special about it once on TV. The men on the show that did it liked the idea of having a beautiful woman who was completely dependent on them and they were perfectly willing to take advantage of the situation as they felt like the women owed them something. And as for the women, they were pretty calculating themselves. Not a good set-up for a healthy relationship!
Oh, no worries my dear. I'm not shocked that both sides have ulterior motives. But trust me, I know what I'm doing. HA!
phew, i got anxious just reading that.
my lawyer said that the modern man is merely a sperm donor in the eyes of a woman in modern society.
(i generalise....)
the eastern european view is more mercenary than that.
my rumainian friend spelled that one out for me.
kgb agents? why not. good an explanation as any.
breeding is a good way to infiltrate a society.
and you are a hard gainer?
hyper......like me.
i`m 6'2" and 210lbs in the winter when i do less bike riding.
in the summer i can hit 190lbs easy and i train hard.
I'm generalizing quite a it in my responses to my readers as well simply because really getting into too much detail would result in me writing a book. Not ready for that. but they are all coming up with some excellent insights.
And yes I'm a big time hard gainer. My body wants to stay skinny at ALL times. Perhaps I am too hyper as well. I'll never hit 200 lbs unless I start shooting up steroids which I would never do. Just as well as I'm happy the way I am now. Any bigger and I think I would look off.
steroids? a one way ticket to somewhere........
and for what?
the ego demands so much for absolutely nothing in return except more demands.
Rest assured I have no use for steroids. It's shocking to me that Barry Bonds was once my height and weight and is now a bloated mess on the verge of breaking Babe Ruth's record. But most men that take them aren't on the cusp of such a milestone yet they are cutting their lives short for no other reason than to look good. But what is looking good?
I'll stick to simple vitamins, thank you.
The ego is a fickle beast.
You are having a blast!
Looking at beautiful women all day? Hell yes.
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